All these years, you thought that Bill Gates was going to try to take over the world…but you were WRONG! It is not Microsoft that we have to fear (their stuff doesn't work often enough to take over the world anyway)…it is GOOGLE!

Think about it. Google has become the standard web search engine for the vast majority of Internet users. Google Gmail is the fastest-growing email service in the world; and their acquisition of Blogger, Inc. has given them access to the largest personal blog network in the world. Google even recently revealed its new Google Earth software, which allows users to view any spot on the planet via satellite, whenever they want to.

Google's present rate of expansion is staggering. With whatever project they have in the works getting ready to launch, and their present programs still running strong, Google is slowly and subtly monopolizing the Internet. If we continue on this path, then in under ten years Google will have a monopoly on the Internet – and a monopoly on all the information in the world.

Just think of it – with full control of such things as our personal thoughts, personal messages, and personal space – Google will be able to do pretty much whatever it pleases. Democracy will end. The era of Googlism will ensue.

Under the Googlist government, people's personal freedoms will be severely limited. Through their blogs, the Googlists will monitor people's personal thoughts, and through their Gmail accounts they will monitor what people are telling each other. Google Earth will allow them twenty-four hour surveillance over everyone on Earth. While even Google does not possess the mainframe to maintain twenty-four hour surveillance on everyone on Earth simultaneously, the possibility that at this very moment the Googlists are watching will keep the people too terrified to act out in any way. Troops of the Googlist government, indoctrinated to the cause through hours and hours of subliminal suggestion through Gmail's advertisement filter, will swoop down on the infidels who dare to oppose the Googlists (using Google searches to locate their homes, of course) and take the offenders, those who survive anyway, to Goo-lags, where they will be driven slowly insane by inaccurate searches and a lack of storage space for their precious, anti-Google emails.

There is, however, hope.

A long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away…an uneasy alliance of Microsoft and Apple formed to combat the evils of the totalitarian Googlists. Together, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs collaborated to insert millions of computer viruses into Google's networks (something Mr. Gates knows a lot about) and to raise the price of computer hardware to unbearable levels (something Mr. Jobs knows a lot about). Their crusade to rid the world of tyranny was perhaps more legitimate than Mr. Bush's…but by this time, no one really cares about that anyway (since a large part of the Middle East isn't online).

Eventually, though, the Googlists realized what was being done to them, and they confronted the Apple and Microsoft partisans at the Battle of AMD, 2033. Through the incredible destructive power of "I'm Feeling Lucky", and because the Microsoft and Apple forces still weren't fully compatible with each other, the Googlists won the battle and destroyed their enemies forever. Unfortunately for Google, though, Microsoft and Apple became martyrs to the people, who were getting tired of Google's oppression.

They felt it in the water.

They felt it in the Earth.

They felt it in their very pixels.

The people of the Earth rose up as one to defeat the oppressive hordes of the Googlists. Rallying behind Tux, the Linux penguin who was long thought dead, the people of the Earth took up arms (that is, wire cutters) and launched an all-out assault on Google's headquarters. The battle fought that day was truly epic…the bloodshed was horrific…the heroes were heroic…and when the day was over, the flag of Truth and Justice and the American Dream once more flew through the air. Deciding that an abomination of the like of Google could never again happen, the people of Earth, with the support of a sad yet determined Tux who declared that his purpose had finally been fulfilled, destroyed their technology and reverted to a pre-industrial society.

So in the end, everyone ended up being Amish…go figure.