It's a tough life

It's a tough life being an engineer. Last week I was told to build a hyper proton accelerator with additional quantum relays. Within a day. My boss said he'd sent me an e-mail, but knowing him it probably ended up going to his grandmother. Anyway, I managed to do it within the deadline, but had developed a severe addiction to coffee, and when he came to inspect it, he said that something was missing. After several long-drawn meetings, it was decided that my ultra-modern built-in-a-day proton accelerator should be painted green. When I went to my boss to ask why, he said I would never make it into management, as I lacked the highly intensified skills that he had. When I asked for further clarification, he told me to sod off and stop questioning him.

It's a tough life being a doctor. About a month ago, one of my patients ran amok in the cafeteria and set the vending machine alight. After a two hour rampage, we finally brought him down by creeping up on him and wrestling him onto the reception desk, taking care to avoid the flailing syringe he'd somehow got his hands on. When I got back to the ward, I discovered that the nurse had neglected to give one of my patients his medication, and he was now brandishing a crutch, having beaten the nurse in question half to death and was now shouting 'I want my pills' at the top of his voice. When he had been given the drugs, he instantly settled down. The nurse, however, was taken to be X-rayed, screaming in pain, and it soon turned out that she'd bruised her little finger.

It's a tough life being a scientist. Once, my assistant spilt concentrated hydrochloric acid all over my banana, which, due to the potassium inside, fizzed alarmingly before exploding, sending bits of my lunch flying in every direction. I'm sure you can understand that I was quite angry, indeed so much so, that my assistant, intimidated, knocked over my tea in an effort to get away from my wrath. I was sorely tempted to pour concentrated sulphuric acid over him, but thought that was a bit harsh, so I poured dilute nitric acid over him instead (wasn't that kind of me?). And the fellow had the nerve to complain to my superior, who put me on probation. I got back on him the next day when I slipped some soluble laxatives into his coffee.