please note that this is a puppet show, rather than a play
Hansel and Gregory
NARRATOR/FATHER – Kent
WITCH/MOTHER – Sara
GREG – Jeremy
HANS – Dusty
NARRATOR: Hello everyone, and welcome to The End of The World Studio's production of Springtime for Hitler and Germany-
GREG: (pops up) No, it's Hans and Greg.
NARRATOR: Sorry, Hansel and Gregory.
GREG: (pops up again) It's GREG!
NARRATOR: Shut up! I'm the narrator so RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!
GREG: Sorry… (disappears)
NARRATOR: (clears throat) One fine day in a forest in Holland, during the year of 2001; the father of two children was having a bad time, and got fired from his village job. When he came home, as distraught as his wife, the kid's stepmother, was, she had an idea.
(Mother and Father appear)
MOTHER: Kill them. They're not worth our money.
MOTHER: Just DO IT!
FATHER: (sighs) Alright.. (Calling to kids offstage) Hey kids, lets… go get Icecream!
(Hans and Greg bounce on stage)
HANS & GREG: Yay!
HANS: Hey daddy.. why are you bringing your gun?
FATHER: Oh uh.. I need to.. er.. catch the Icecream Bear! Yea.
HANS & GREG: (in unison) Oooooh! The Icecream Bear!
FATHER: Yes, the icecream bear. Now, since the bear is so horribly scary, you two must put these sacks over your head so it doesn't scare you.
HANS & GREG: (unison again) Okay, daddy!
(Hans and Greg put the sacks over their head while their father fumbles with the gun, mumbling to himself)
FATHER: I can do this.. I can do this.. Yes.. I can.. I can do this… Oh damned… No I can't! (checks gun) Oh wait, oops, no gun powder! (to Hans and Greg) Stay here, I'll be right back! (In low voice) Run for your lives!.. literally!
(Hans and Greg take the bags off their heads and stand there silently, looking around for a few moments. UNTIL.. something 'shiny' comes along)
GREG: Hey.. ooooh, shiny! (follows shiny thing off stage)
HANS: (glances around, and then in the direction Greg went) Greg! Hey.. wait for me! (Hans follows Greg)
NARRATOR: and so they ran, but not for their lives. They ran for the 'shiny thing'. They followed the 'shiny thing' up until they came upon a gingerbread house.
(Hans and Greg enter- Witch enters opposite of them)
WITCH: Welcome to my house dear children, oh you must be starving, would you like to join me for dinner?
HANS: No thanks! We're looking for the shiny thing.
WITCH: You mean… (holds up 'shiny thing') this?
GREG: (jumping up and down) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
HANS: That's the shiny thing!
WITCH: Oh well, I can give you each your own shiny thing if you come inside with me!
HANS & GREG: Okay!
(all go inside)
HANS: Your house is weird.
GREG: Not very shiny, either.
WITCH: Oh that's my old neighbors fault, they signed me up for that 'While you were out' show. You know, where they redecorate your house when you're gone?
HANS: I think our step mommy liked that show.. when we had TV.
WITCH: What a shame. So, what kind of things do you two like?
(Hans and Greg speak at the same time)
GREG: Shiny stuff.
HANS: Fire. (looks at Greg whom seems to be looking at something else) And he has A.D.D.
NARRATOR: So then the witch attempted to cook the children for kiddy stew. Yes, I said, KIDDY STEW! Anyways. The witch tries, and fails. While trying to catch them, they think she is playing 'tag' and so run around the house, with her chasing them till she gets tired. But THEN, the witch, gets an idea.
WITCH: Oh my, look! Another shiny thing!
WITCH: (throws the shiny thing into the pot)
GREG: SHINY! (starts to jump in…. everyone freezes)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, the father feels guilty about leaving the children and goes to rescue them. (father doesn't appear and he repeats) MEANWHILE THE FATHER FEELS GUILT- Oh hell I'll do it myself! (Goes over to witch and whacks her on the head with a bat).
HANS: oooh fire! (holds up a match)
(Father enters and see's Hans holding the match)
NARRATOR & FATHER: (in unison) NOOOOOOOO!
(Father dives and grabs the match and puts it out)
FATHER: (turns to kids) Kids, remember what Smokey the Bear says?
HANS & GREG: (in unison) "Only you can prevent forest fires."
FATHER: That's right, which means you can also try to not start one.
HANS & GREG: (in unison) Yes, daddy.
FATHER: Anyways, I have some good news. First of all, I won the lottery!
HANS & GREG: (unison again) Yay!
FATHER: Second, I've decided to divorce your step mother.
HANS & GREG: Ya-
HANS: Wait.. are we suppose to be happy about that?
HANS & GREG: Yay!
FATHER: And guess what I'm going to do with the lottery money?
GREG: By a shiny Ferrari?
HANS & GREG: Awww.
FATHER: I'm going to buy us a nice big house filled with icecream and shiny things!
HANS & GREG: Yay!
HANS: But wait daddy, what do we do about her?
(points at witch)
(Witch wakes, and sits up)
FATHER: Who likes
witch stew and icecream?
HANS & GREG: We do! We do!
WITCH: What? Ahh!
FATHER: (knocks her out again) Well that's what we're going to have tonight then.
(All but Narrator exit)
NARRATOR: And so they ate they're witch stew and icecream. How disgusting. (shudders) The father also divorced the wicked step-mother, (says fast) who ended up a beggar in the village streets till some rich lord took pity on her and let her become his maid… and then he fired her. (breathes) But anyways, so they all lived happily ever! Well.. except the witch whose now gone, and the homeless evil step-mother, but that's okay. The End. (starts to go off stage) Hey, was that something shiny? Wait! Come back here shiny thing! (chases the shiny thing off stage).
GREG: (pops up again) SHINY! (Disappears)