x.
june 2006

i don't lie when i say that these scars still hold
beauty behind them. and that even in the midst
of the happy moments, i find myself still needing
the touch of cold blade against (my) warm skin.

i know that i still have a few months before i see
you face-to-face again but in the meantime, i can
only hope that you'll understand when you see me.

but just to let you know, i never thought i would bleed.
our friendship was never really tested until a year ago.

believe me when i saw that you really were the best
friend one could have asked for (at the time because
i didn't know my real best friend was right under my
nose) and yes, i did love you but (i hope) we are over.

i just wish this was over as well (but these scars
won't fade as quickly as i would like them to and
these memories are just too difficult to erase).

until i'm out of blood (or out of breath), i know that
i will never forget you or this or anything that has
happened in order to make me what i am today.
for everything that it's worth, the only thing i truly,
whole-heartedly regret is the fact that i called you
my best friend (because friends don't let/make
friends bleed like the way you have made me).

i'm sorry for anything and everything that i've done
to make you want to forget me. and i could never get
you to truly understand the way you make me feel
so i guess it is for the better that everything to be
forgotten (by you because it's just that easy for me
to forget one of the most important persons in my life).

i hope this hurts you as much as it hurts me (if that
is possible when it comes to my/our/this situation).

------

author's note: this piece was never intended to be this long. there's still a bunch of things that i wish to say but i can't even begin to put them into words - this piece was hard enough. i know that she'll never read any of this so i think i'm pretty safe. i hope you guys enjoyed. thanks for all the reviews - you guys are wonderful.