Music is my Muse

I want to say so much about her that has already been said

All of these ideas and dreams are stuck in my head

Telling me of life and of love that I have never seen

Her music changes from person to person

There is no originality to see because it has already been said

I remember the first poem I wrote

And they thought it couldn't be mine

I was young after all and no one who is young can write

They just copy what they see

Are influenced by what they hear

It really isn't their minds that make decisions

It is the decisions around them that make them

I have tried to hide and work within these boundaries

I've played fantasy and broken the rules

I will work this way until I die I think

Because it is part of discovering me

I am sure I will be broken soon

But for a change I am going by no rules

By saying yes without thinking

By being bad when I say no

I am selfish and it is good

Even if myself and I haven't really gotten to trust one another yet

They say that it was inconsiderate and disrespectful to be selfish and not think things through

It was, I had fun, and for a change I didn't regret what I'd done

I don't want to help clean the dishes

This morning I swept the floor because no one else would

They seem surprised when someone does what they want

Not doing it for anyone else

I got support from those who've I've spoken candidly

A grin from those who knew

I chuckled in my sleep when I dreamt of it all

But sat down and only had what I had already heard running through my mind

There was Rent there was Wicked

A Dangerous Game and Aladdin

There was disco and country and so many memories that I had thought to forget

I sat down, looking for old poems

Found homework from three years ago

I wrote well, couldn't recognize some of what I had wrote out of commit or truth

It was odd, to read a younger me,

As it is odd looking back here

These poems aren't too new, but somehow the emotion has stayed true through time

I am content for the first time in my life

Not sitting down and obsessing over want and how

I have people to thank for this, and a certain boy I get to kiss

And I couldn't be less regretful

He said to me, "who makes the rules"

"Do you believe in you or them?"

And here I am unbound

I have plans to make and am happy

I giggle at the thought of breaking convention

I can't wait to spend summer with my girlfriends and lover

Doing what I always hoped to do

I will work with the hurt when it comes not before

I will push to make happiness flow

I will not be jealous and will love who I am

And try to make myself feel more at home.

There is a small feeling of loss

But a greater sense of gain

With growing and deciding and being

So I'll ride the wave

Play in the ocean

'Drink up baby down' and live with only this

Only us

No Regrets

Love

Beauty

Dreams

Freedoms from everything but who you are

Embrace it for yourself and break away from any bounds

I didn't mean to hurt or scare

It was a prospect of doing, fulfilling, and not choosing between wrong, right, need and want.

I can.