Did you hate me?
I know how hatred for you,
Burned bright within me.
I despised you, for putting us all
Into this situation.
You, with your worrying of your weight,
Your speaking of nothing but yourself.
Me, hating you, for thinking
Of no one else, your own pain.
Others around you felt it too,
A fact you never seemed to realize.
I blocked you out for this reason;
Your selfishness knew no bounds,
Your attitudes discouraged me.
You, who I had always loved,
Almost idolized, heedless to your mistakes.
Maybe it was me, then, who began it all.
I was the one who put you on a pedestal;
You couldn't help but fall.
You said we thought ourselves better,
Wondered why we didn't act as family
I hated you for this, too
We were better than you;
I'd never been told that-
I knew it alone, instinctively
I'm sure you wonder it now.
Your family treated us badly,
Other Grandma ignoring us in favor of you
Does it make you feel better,
That knowledge that she loved you more?
You view her as a saint, I think.
Maybe not-maybe someone who will
Always give you kind words;
Words that mean nothing, that hide from the truth.
Did my harsh words and bitter realities
Show you what she really is?
Did you ever see her without her halo, after that?
But no, I guess not-
You were always blind to the light.
Katie pushed her way into it then,
After I sent you a cutting letter back.
Maybe you couldn't handle it yourself-
You were always the weak one in the family,
Hiding behind Grandma and not admitting
Your own faults.
Funny, I always thought that was an action
Reserved solely for frightened children.
Odd that you never matured,
Still hiding, expecting protection from others.
I hope one day that your protection fails.
It went on, this bitter trading of insults.
My showing you the truths,
As I knew them myself.
Maybe you came to a startling realization,
And that was what hurt you the most.
Perhaps this was what made
You run crying to your mother-
I'm surprised that she can defend you;
she barely manages to protectherself-
Did it make you feel powerful,
To have your mommy cut us down
In such a manner?
To my eyes, it was backhanded and weak
But then, that was always
These harsh words and traded insults,
Destroyed our family,
Or what little familial bonds we could claim.
Do you ever ache inside,
To realize that your stupidity
Was what caused these
Sorry for the dashes in between lines, but it wouldn't let me do it any other way. So yeah...anyway...maybe I'll explain this.
You see, I'm taking a writing class this summer, and was writing on our emotions we got from music. Well, the one memory the song startled in me was of last year about this time, when my sister and I had a huge falling out with my dad's side of the family. They've always disliked us, or at least acted that way behind our backs. It started a feud; we haven't spoken to each other since, and because my aunt's reaction to defending her daughter, which included calling my mother and sister a few rude names in an email to my sister (now is that not backhanded, to insult someone when they have no way of defending themselves)....so, there is basically a big feud in my family. Wow, why did I explain this? I have no clue. Anyway, thanks everyone for reading!