Author's note: Moving at the end of the month, so there won't be many updates this summer.
See everyone in August!
May 12th, 2011
I'd like to start off with a disclaimer. Just so, you know, if my mom reads this someday, I don't get a phone call at three in the morning with her sobbing hysterically into my ear, "Oh, where did I go wrong!?" I am not, nor have I ever been gay. Nothing against gay people, of course. My lover is one, after all.
I don't like labels, but I guess if I'd have to put one on myself (and Nate has insisted I do so, as it makes him feel a little better), I'd be bisexual.. But it isn't about gender. It just so happens that the person I feel the most happy, the most comfortable with, the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with is another man. I can't really explain it.
There's just something other than pure sexual attraction that fuels us. Don't get me wrong. We have sex. Lots of sex. (And -how-.). I consider what we have - what he and I have - to be something deeper. Like I said, I can't explain it.
Believe me, before I met Nathaniel, if you would've told me that I'd end up romantically involved with another guy, I'd have probably laughed in your face. .. Come to think of it, that's what he did when I asked him out the first time. (He's lucky as hell I forgave him.)
But here we are. About to get married. And here I am, an hour before the ceremony, writing in my damn journal, scared to death. My parents got into town last night and came by for dinner. They didn't like Nate at first, but I think they're really starting to warm up to him. He's just so damn irresistible..
You know, life's a funny thing. I thought I had it pretty well figured out when I was fourteen. It's an early age to have your life mapped out, but I had it. A damn fine plan, too. I'd get a basketball scholarship, go to college, find some cute young thing, marry her, and go work for my father while she raised the kids. Not that I –wanted- to work for my father selling cars, but we always lived comfortably when I was growing up, and I figured that there'd be food on the table, if nothing else.
And then, two years later, Nate transferred to my school, and I fell in love for the first time. To say the least, I was a little confused.
I mean, I'd never even been attracted to another guy before, and here I was, instantly smitten.
After class, I walked up to him and tapped his shoulder. He turned around and raised an eyebrow.
"Hey. I'm Joss." (I'm just glad that I didn't tell him my full name. Or he really would've laughed.)
"Wanna go out sometime?"
I assumed it'd be like asking out a girl. I was wrong.
"Wh.. like.. hanging out?"
"On a date."
He looked at me for a moment and burst out laughing, but when he saw I was serious, he bolted down the hallway.
It really wasn't how I wanted him to react.
Oh. It's time to go. Time to (gulp!) give up my bachelor status and become a married man.
Wish me luck!