Inspired to Drama, Pylesville cows, the word "defenestration" (to throw out of a window), and performing in front of class.
When Cows Jump
And now, the news.
Recently, cows have commited defenestration. Apparently, someone let the cows into the house. Why they were in the house, we will never know.
Once inside, the cows proceded to overturn tables, break chairs, and otherwise destroy the property of old farmer Fred. When asked why, farmer Fred answered, "I can't rightly say. It might've been the new feed we got them or it could have been the weather. I won't say I'm an expert, but those cows don't seem to like that snow!" Upon talking to an expert, it was found that the cows do not like the snow, just as farmer Fred had speculated. The expert, Linda Cowly, said, "I am an expert and those cows don't seem to like that snow."
After ransacking Fred's first floor, they moved on up. They went to the second floor and jumped about, making holes the size of your head in the floor. Farmer Fred is very distressed about that fact. He said, "It'll cost a fortune to fix those holes! I can only hope the second floor won't collapse before I can call someone to fix it." After destroying Fred's entire house, the cows apparently got hungry. Being decidedly lazy cows, they did not want to go downstairs and out the door, so they jumped through the suspiciously open upstairs window. According to Fred the window was left open to "air out the house. It was starting to get that awful moldy smell again."
There have been no reports of any deaths, but two cows were flown to shock trauma The rest are recovering in the local hospital. Please, folks, visiting hours are nine to five. Come and give your regards to these poor cows who commited defenestration.
The authorities are investigating whether or not this could have been attempted suicide. With that possibility comes attmepted murder. Police Chief George Watkins said in an interview, "We have no leads as of right now. If someone tried to kill these poor innocent cows, we will find out. If anyone has information relating to the cows, please let us know. Anything you know could make or break this case."
Here at the station, we have several theories. Jill, from audio, says, "I think it was farmer Fred. He seems a little suspicious. Why leave a window open in the middle of winter? It just makes no sense!" John, from scripting, says, "That Linda Cowly doesn't seem right. Could she possibly want to murder the very animals that she studies? I wouldn't put it past her." Finally, Jack, Jill's fiance who works at the Dunkin' Donuts across the street, says, "It was Colonel Mustard in the ballroom with the candlestick." Later, Jack came back and said, "Sorry about that thing I said earlier; I thought we were talking about the recent Clue© World Championships. Sorry." Who could it have been? Was this possibly just a freak accident and no one is to blame? I think not.
And, on that note, I leave you. This has been Felicia Griffith for WNHS. Goodnight.