Wake up, wake up. What are you doing? Why are you here? Why am I here?
Shhhh, quiet now or you'll miss the cat.
Cat what cat? What are you talking about?
The cat, the black and white cat. He normally comes home around now.
What are you talking about? How did I get here?
??? I what?
You dreamed and then you arrived here.
So I am sleeping?
Maybe, do you feel like you're asleep?
No, I feel wide-awake and more than a little confused. Why cant you just tell me what's going on?
Because I can't.
Because I can't.
That's not an answer.
Is it not? It seemed like and answers to me.
Fine! Don't tell me what's going on.
I wasn't going to.
What was that?
Well that all depends on what you mean by that.
That noise just a second ago.
Ohh, that was the cat.
That did not sound like a cat.
Did it not, then perhaps the black and white cat is not a cat.
Then what is it?
A black and white cat as far as I know.
Arrgh... Why do you keep doing that?
Doing... Oh never mind- just be quiet.
Because you are annoying me.
I don't find me annoying, I like me talking.
Well be quiet,unless your goingtell me how we get out of this room.
I dont think I can. Why do you want to go? Why not stay?
Why?! Because I dont know how I got here, there is this freaky sounding animal near by and I want to go home. This place is freaking me out with its sterile blue walls and blue beds and blue table. If I've been kidn...
I like blue.
I like the color blue it makes me think of water. What does the colour blue make you think of?
Something I very much dont like.
What's that then?
Then why dont you leave if you dont like the room.
That's up to you not me.
Look there's the cat. Hello again black and white cat.
Where did he come from?
Well how did he get in?
By wanting to. You can do anything if you want it enough.
Then why aint I out of this room. There's no way that cat made that noise earlier.
Because small black and white cats don't make noises like that.
How do you know?
Because I have heard one or two cats in my time and I can assure you they dont sound like that.
Maybe you weren't hearing them right.
If it sounded like that then why isn't it making that noise now then instead of this purring sound?
Can you sneeze?
??? Of course I can sneeze!
Then why are you not doing it now?
What?! Because I dont need to sneeze.
Well maybe he doesn't need to make that sound like you dont need to sneeze.
That's just the stupidest... okay I guess that can make sense but I still say that Cat did not make that noise.
If it was not the black and white cat that made the sound then what made the sound?
Well obviously I dont know, but my lack of an explanation does not mean that it was the cat.
He's such a pretty cat. I think I shall call him Arnold.
Yes Arnold. Is there something wrong with the name Arnold?
No, no... It's just- I dont think he looks like an Arnold.
What do you think he looks like then?
I dunno- he looks like my cat Lewie...
How about Lewie then?
Nah, he definatly does not have Lewie's arrogance. How about Al. Yeah Al, that suits him.
Hello Al. What do you think black and white cat, would you like to be called Al? I'm not sure whether he likes it.
Of course he does. Come here Al, that's it Al. See he likes it- hang on what am I doing? I shouldn't be convincing you to name a cat, I should be trying to get out of here. There's got to be a way out.
Hello Al. The black and white cat called Al. I think I like it, do you like it Al or do you have another name you prefer. If only you could tell us then we...
Sash, why cant you just shut up.
What does Sash mean?
What? Oh it's to do with this story I write, it's actually meant to be pronounced as Cash but I got used to writing it as Sash so started to pronounce it as Sash, it's meant to be a god of fortune,anyway that doesn't matter, would you please be quiet if only for a short time... Thank you... Damn it! I can't see a way out.
Maybe there is no way out.
There has be, otherwise how did we get here.
What the Sash does that mean. Look, can you tell me how you got here or how long you have been here?
I've been here since the start.
And when was that?
I dont know, I cant remember. I think I've always been here. Helping, giving advice.
Advise? Who do you give advise to?
To the voice, she asks questions, wants to know if she should do something, what's right, what's wrong.
Who, who is she.
Well, she's a 50-foot bunny rabbit and shoots rainbows from its eyes.
Hey isn't that from Futurama?
Yeah it is. In truth I dont know who she is, I've never seen her just hear her but she hasn't talked to me since you arrived. I wonder where she's gone.
Oh Sash, I'm locked in a room with someone with a double personality.
She's not imaginary, just because you have not heard her.
What type of things does she ask you?
Ethical things, decisions, thoughts.
Can you be a bit more specific?
I don't know if she would like me to tell you.
Okay then... How about I ask you a question.
You can always ask.
Right- okay this one was posed to me by my friend. I am in a burning house and I am able to rescue only one person, but there are two people trapped. One is my grandmother and the other is a complete stranger, a young man who happens to be a scientist who has the cure to cancer. Who do I help?
Well I would help Sarah cos she is so damn wonderful
There's no Sarah in the house!
I know – she's so clever she got out.
(Sigh) Who should I save: the young doctor or my grandmother?
Is the doctor cute and rich?
What?!! I don't know, that's not the point!
But it is a possible factor that might effect you.
Fine don't answer. I feel sorry for anyone who has to get advise off you.
I never said I was not going to answer.
Well then answer already if you can.
Overall you should save the doctor.
Because your gran is older and nearer the end of her life anyway, the doctor is young and has the opportunity to help many more people including yourself, plus your gran would probably prefer you to save the life of someone who she might see as being worth more than her. But being there in the fire I would advise you to help you gran as it is she who immediately effects you, it is she who you care about and want to live as you will miss her if she dies there when you could have done something about it. It is she who you think about and to you she is worth much more than some stranger.
Wow. I guess I would go to you for advice… hey where did Al go?
Well I can see that. Where did he go?
??? Oh never mind, and there I though you had turned all intelligent.
I am intelligent most of the time but only when intelligence is necessary, when it's not my intelligence joins the cat.
Joins the cat?
So your intelligence goes to sleep.
I can believe that. Is it asleep now?
How about you wake your intelligence up and get it to tell me how to get out of here.
What's to late? To late to wake up your intelligence?
To late to eat fish and chips.
Yep, intelligence is fast asleep isn't it.
Maybe, if we shout at the top our voices we can wake it up.
No that's okay. I don't need your intelligence that much.
Shhhhhh. It's time to wake up.
Wake up, wake up!
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Whats wrong, why do you keep saying that?
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Stop saying that will you!
What do you mean?!
How?! Tell me how!