How to tell if your baby will be a lesbian, because according to some random boy..you can't have children if you're a lesbian; so with that said..here we go.
Woman: Doctor, can you tell us what the baby will be?
Man: Yes, we would love to know if you can tell us.
Doctor: Alright, time for an ultrasound!
Woman: Thank you, doctor.
Doctor: -places device over belly-
Woman: -few seconds of silence- Well?
Doctor: My God, I..I don't know how to tell you this..
Man: What is it? Is it alright?
Doctor: Yes yes..well, it is a she.
Woman: -out of joy- Oh, a baby girl!
Doctor: ..If you want to call her that.
Man: What do you mean?..
Doctor: I don't know how you'll take this, but...your daughter..is a lesbian.
Man: -confused- What.
Doctor: She has no uterus.
Woman: That's impossible!
Man: My baby..is vagina-less?
Doctor: No no, for godsakes they need that. They just have no uterus..can't have children.
Woman: This is..this is horrible! I don't want...Rosie O'Donell for a child!
Doctor: You should be proud of your lesbian-vagina-licking-carpet-munching-mullet daughter!
Woman: ..I want an abortion now.
So, you must be wondering what if it's a gay son, right?
Well if you weren't now you are.
HERE IT IS.
Doctor: Push! Push, Clarice!
Woman: -screaming in pain-
Doctor: One more, almost there!
Nurse: It's a boy!
Doctor: ...It's gay.
Woman: How can you tell? You can't tell that after birth!
Doctor: It has a pink boa around it's neck, because we all know gays love pink boas.
Nurse: And Madonna.
Doctor: Yes, but luckily he won't be that gay.
Woman: -grunts and starts pushing again-
Doctor: What is this?!
Nurse: She birthed a Madonna CD!
Woman: MY GOD, MY SON WILL DIE FROM LACK OF BEING BREAST FED!
Ah..gay community - aren't we special?
NO, NO WE'RE NOT!
But scaring straight people is always fun..
Thus concludes why lesbians can't have children, and how you can determine your baby's sexuality.
If they're bi...they're born with half a uterus, and a Prince album for boys.
Author's Note: So I wrote this from a phone call I had with my lesbian friend Alex who told me some kid asked if she could even have kids, and it was pretty funny so yeah...I don't really care if you didn't find this hillarious,a chuckle or a wide smile is what I was really aiming for, but who knows..some might like it more than that.