Said the Walrus to the Clam,
"Where once I spoke of many things
Before I met the thing called 'Man'
"He taught me of the world's design
And how this 'speaking' was mistaken
The time has come," the Walrus said,
"The time for action to be taken."
"For once he told me of his kin
A foolish lot who only prattle
Who preach and moan, but never win
And do not see the heat of battle
"'For war,' said Man, 'is truly great
And nobody can this deny
It is the way that Men like me
Can please the Spirit of the Sky
"'You know,' said Man, 'that in the sky
There is a Walrus Spirit too?
And he demands that holy wars
Be fought by Walruses like you!'
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To fight for many things
For me to find my battle-axe
And kill for holy kings."
And when the Clam went back to sea
He told his kind of gods up high:
The Spirit Clam, who loves them all
The one for whom they all must die
And while the clams cried out with glee
A few of them refused to follow
But they soon died for heresy
Their bodies ripped and shells left hollow
And for a time they were content
And worshipped Spirit in their sleep
But then the human excrement
Began to fill the ocean deep
"A plague!" cried Clam, "A curse! A sign,"
And raised the sacramental fin
"A message from the Clam Divine
To cleanse yourselves of mortal sin!"
And so the clams all mourned and prayed
And soon came down a lovely net
And Clam announced another sign
To heal them all of their regret
"Because this net is from the sky,
It must come from a holy place
So do not let this chance slip by
Go meet the Spirit, face to face!"
And so the clams all jumped inside
And waited for their god to call
And when the net began to rise
They knew that He would save them all
Clam, though, chose to stay behind
Because his place was still on earth
But watched them leave with jealous eyes
For Clam had yet to prove his worth
And so he went back to the beach
To seek out Walrus once again
To see what Walrus had to teach
And found him lying in the rain
A spear protruding from his chest
The Walrus told his tragic tale
"It was Man!" the Walrus sobbed
The human did his chest impale
And from the shadows came a laugh
A laugh that chilled Clam to his core
And soon emerged the one called Man
Who came to join them on the shore
A grin was plastered on his face
A grin that showed he was amused
He laughed again and placed his foot
Upon the one he had abused
"Walrus, Clam—you both are fools."
Man said with hatred in his voice
"There are no gods or things divine!
There are no reasons to rejoice!
"There's no such thing as 'holy war'
There are no Spirits of the sea!
I taught you all that stupid lore
So you would not focus on me!
"Last night I had a lovely meal!
The ocean was its lovely source
And though I quite enjoyed the seal
The clams were quite my favourite course!
"And now I'm sure that you can guess,"
Said Man, mouth frothing with delight
"Who will be my honored guests
The ones who are my meal tonight!"
And sitting in his dining room
A bloated Man began to eat
He slurped clam chowder from his spoon
And smiling, ate his Walrus meat