The one weapon I hold so dear,
The one I once swore I'd never wield.
Time has brought change,
Dark whisperings resound in the hollow depths of my heart.
...I'm no longer that sweet child clothed in white,
No longer that girl standing contentedly as the morning sun washes down by the gentle lake,
No longer standing upon the fairy tale shores,
Waiting for magic, princes, and my castle in the clouds.
I remember that day I wandered into the waters without realizing -
When I opened my eyes,
I had found everything I had ever wanted,
But it was already drifting out of view.
It didn't take me long to realize I had opened my eyes too late;
I found myself unable to do anything to make my happy ending come true,
So I softly convinced myself that it would be fine in the end.
Slowly, I drowned - again with out realizing;
I had closed my eyes once again,
Still not quite realizing I was surrounded by water and unable to swim,
I faintly felt myself slipping,
But was too lost in my dreams to care.
Barely even noticing as my body gasped for one last breath as I same below the surface,
I only opened my eyes a lifetime later,
Finding nothing but darkness,
And crushed by the weight of the water -
Something rivaled only by the weight of my burdens -
Reality slapped me awake and forced me to vow never to close my eyes again.
I spent years there,
Trying time and again to break the surface but always failing.
Unwillingly, my eyes clouded over,
And as suffocation slowly took its toll,
They closed again as my body stilled.
I had given up,
There was nothing left,
The cold had long since seeped into my veins,
Encroaching my once beating heart.
The emptiness I was kept in grew on me -
Emptiness was simplicity,
No errant emotions,
No way I could go wrong -
And so I took after my surroundings...
But was I still there?
Still in my blessed darkness?
Something felt different, somehow;
Though the internal weight still pressed down,
My body felt freed.
As a gently spring breeze caressed me,
My eyes fluttered open.
I was back where I had started,
However nothing but bitterness and contempt filled me as I took in the sight of my childhood scenery.
Who would I see then but you, sweet child,
Standing next to the place where I lie?
My darling past,
Why do you have to be the one to find me?
This shore is nothing more than a haunting mockery,
A fragment of my heart better left forgotten,
For I've abandoned these ideas,
And found that there's no room left in my heart for love,
Not when it's filled to the brim with the emptiness I hold so dear.
As you see this, you smile sadly at me,
And I know you realize I'm what your future holds.
The same soft expression is translated to my face,
Though admittedly with a slight edge;
There's nothing I can do to save you from my pain, dear child,
But even as I think this,
I know it's not true.
My eyes landing on the silver dagger by my side,
I notice now just how different I've become,
How much I've betrayed you and your ideas already;
Now to save you from the same fate,
I must seemingly betray you again...
But can I do it?
Can I cut into your soft flesh,
And watch without emotion as confusion and pain cloud your eyes?
Can I unremorsefully watch this and still harshly twist the dagger in your side?
My darling past...