ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS WINDOW
By: Dawn A.G.
With a debate this ridiculous, how far will they go to find out who is wrong? How high are the stakes? How dastardly are the consequences? You've never seen something so dastardly as this!
He wasn't going to let the idiot win.
"Curse you, Flat-face! One plus one equals a WINDOW! A window, I tell ya!" He screamed at his opponent across the table in an undignified manner. The whole class stared at him. His eyeballs threatening to pop compared to Flat-face's cool poise was a sight to behold. Not an iota of composure was left in him. He had to prove his point. No matter what.
"One plus one is TWO, Egg-head." His adversary stated in a cool collected manner. Flat-face held up a finger from either hand. "One," he said putting a hand forward. "Two," he finished placing the other hand forward.
"In the mathematical terms, yes, it is two. But in the world where imagination runs free it is equivalent to a window. '1' is an object consisting of a single straight line. '' is of two perpendicular lines. Then there is another single straight line. Put these three components together there is '1 1' turned to 11. Together with an equal sign to connect the remaining open space, top of one to the other top of one, end of one to the other end of one, there is a drawing of a WINDOW!"
"Yes, but we are talking in mathematical terms, are we not, Mr. Red-nose?" Flat-face turned from Egg-head's now tomato-red face to their observing teacher. Mr. Red-nose did an annoying habit of tilting his head to one side as if in thought…even though they all knew he wasn't.
Beads of sweat hung down Egg-heads neck. He swallowed though his throat was dry. Mr. Red-nose's answer could decide to winner of the dispute.
"There are no specified terms in this debate." Mr. Red-nose finally uttered.
Egg-head felt like his neck had snapped off its place as disappointment and frustration overcame him. Even his nemesis, Flat-face, staggered a little in ever stiff his stance.
"Then there is no winner to this argument." Egg-head smirked gleefully as Flat-face burst his cool, throwing his hands up in the air in deep aggravation.
"There is a way…" Mr. Red-nose quietly and suddenly murmured.
"Tell us, please!" the whole class pleaded him, eager to rid themselves of this pathetic episode. Three words were all the professor said, yet, every single pupil's head abruptly lolled lifelessly as their jaws dropped a significant depth to the floor. Egg-head toppled over from shock. Flat-face's eyes quadrupled their original size creating two enormous humps on his flat face.
"No!" they all whispered simultaneously as their teacher remained smugly sneering.
It was the inevitable. Egg-head was nervous beyond the state of anxiety. He knew that it would come to this. He had no doubt Flat-face had known as well. It was instinct.
Yet, they had hoped and tried so vainly for it not to be.
This was it, thought Egg-head as he faced Flat-face. They both had their right fist stiffly in front of them, close to their body in a tense 90 degree angle. The whole class watched in suspenseful anticipation.
They bit their lips, gulped dry air, scratched their bums and fingered the insides of their noses. They all took a deep shuddering breath as Mr. Red-nose puffed himself up. It wasn't about words anymore. It was about absolute action. There were no strategies involved. Only Lady Luck could save Egg-head now. It was going to begin.
Mr. Red-nose looked from one to the other in his place in the center. He loved these showdowns.
Egg-head's head was shinning luminously with tension. Flat-face was still biting his bleeding lip, unaware of pain or the taste of copper swimming in his mouth. Out of the blue, Mr. Red-nose shouted those three words over again.
There were violent blurs of movement from both students. A cry rang out, shaking the immobile air. Whether it was a cry of surprise or defeat no one knew.
Flat-face fainted. The spot he was laying on was wet.
Egg-head leaped and danced about the room in state of pure euphoria.
The class unanimously sighed in grateful relief.
Egg-head had won the debate.
It was finally over.
Rock had won over scissors!