they never know

people say (/think) she only wants to be
broken and that the scars are only for show
because she sees the look in their eyes when
she meets them for only just a second (because
any second longer would singe her scarred flesh).

(oh yes, this is how i truly want to be: angst-ridden
and depressed with scars drawn in all directions
because of everything you did & didn't do and/or say).

but she doesn't care what people say about her
because she knows that gossip is (usually) never
true. & if she knows that it isn't true then why does
she care so much? although it's the words they never
say that hurt her the most (the scars are proof of that).

(i can't pretend that everything is all right when inside
i'm screaming to let everything go but no one is listening
and i just want/need someone who understands that each
scar is more than just a scar but that it's for everything
you (and they) never said to cause me to be like this.)

she could name who every scar was made for.

(i carved your name so delicately into my skin,
perfecting each letter only to hide them behind
long sleeves because i'm ashamed of the way
that they're not perfect enough to face the world.)

they don't know that she only wants someone
to love her and to not judge by the scars.

(it's what we all want, right?)

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author's note: this is a rant. i'm just sick & tired of hearing people talk because i know some people think that what i do is stupid & that i'm being selfish. people judge too easily and i hate it. i'd like to see them go back & live in my shoes for the past year and more.