I look at you

And I see what I don't want to be.

I don't want to become who you are,

Make the mistakes you made,

Live the life you live.

And I'm sorry—

Because I almost wish I did.

I used to look up to you, I'm sure.

You're my big sister;

How could I do otherwise?

I'm sure you were the coolest of the cool,

All anyone could want to be, and still more.

But you made such a mess,

Scribbled so many nasty things across people's hearts—

And suddenly, I didn't want to be you anymore.

When I am around you, I don't know what to say,

What to do, how to act.

I can only see potential disasters

When I don't know how to convey what I feel.

You told me you were jealous,

Jealous of what I have, of my imagination,

Of my ability to walk alone.

Have I ever told you that I'm jealous of your friends?

I am proud of you.

Despite all the mistakes, all the messes,

You are where you say you want to be.

I would want more, but I'm not you.

I have what I have and I am who I am,

And I will not apologize for that.

I will not beg pardon for the things I feel.

I just wish I could tell you what I really mean,

Instead of floundering in light of your pain.

We are our father's daughters, sister.

We speak without thinking

And we stand proud no matter what.

And I am sorry for that.

I never intended to make you weep,

And I can hear your tears.

I've never wanted to cause you pain.

You tell me not to follow your path.

You say you only wanted me to think for myself.

Why do I feel that you always see my mother when you look at me?

I am my father's daughter.

So are you.

I think for myself, but you'll never believe me.

I look at you—you are beautiful.

You are proud, defiant, independent, and strong.

I don't know how to act around you.

I love you.

I don't say it often enough.

I love you.

I would ask forgiveness, if I could mean it.

I used to look up at you.

Now, I don't want to toddle in your wake.

I hope to be a better big sister than you.

She's growing quickly.

I wish she'd stop.

She's like you, though she doesn't want to be.

We are our father's daughters.

I love you.