Friday June 13, 1998

To Who Is Unlucky Enough To Find My Journals,

I HATE THEM!!! I CAN'T STAND THIS!! THIS PLACE IS HELL!! I CAN'T STAND BEING ALONE!!! THE ABUSE DOESN'T END AT SCHOOL! GRRRWAHH!!!!!!! I can't stand this…I can't go on living like this…I can't go on being alone at school AND home. My parents hit me today and threw me across the room screaming at me that I was worthless and would never amount to anything because I got a C in Algebra. I can't stand it right now, all of this anger and pain locked up inside of me…I can't help but hate the world…I can't help but wish them all harm…I can't help but wish Death and Destruction on them. Next year will be better they say, bull shit. I know what will happen, they will grow and get worse. I will still be unpopular and scorned. I will make them see what they have created! I will show them what their torture yields! I believe it was their own accursed book it said "and he shall reap what he sows." So let it be that way then, let them reap what they sow one hundred fold. My friend…XXXX has uncovered a way to get us out of this hell hole and into another world, and a way to punish those in this world as well……he has found among his dad's old toys up in the attic he has found an old fashioned rune engraved wooden Ouija Board. Our plans are to make contact with a spirit and trade in something of ours for the powers it can give us. We must make this world anew, something is so off that it creates such hate and rage inside us….mere children….then something is wrong. I must not let this fire consume me….it burns and now physically it burns inside of me, it yearns to be let loose on its creators…it yearns for revenge….and I still pray, I still hope that God will answer me. I hope that he will come quench these fires within me……I hope he will save his servant…I can't help but fear…I've never dealt with spirits before…I've barely dealt with regular humans…I am afraid. I feel so weak in this, I feel so angry….I feel so….full of rage….sometimes it hurts…..but I've found that I can ignore it as long as I know that XXXXX, the girl I might love… long as I know she still stares at me….then that keeps me hanging on. I know that she might not talk to me because I'm unpopular but she is so pretty and graceful…I can't help but love her…I hope she returns my love…her hair is so long and blonde, her eyes like blue depths of the ocean, her body so flawless as an angels….I am not deserving of her I know but as long as I can gaze on her and know that she thinks of me…then I can hold on…..just a little longer…I hope.

---Beaten and Broken