.Longings.

As I slept in his arms, for the first time in my life I felt comfortable. Now I believe Shakespeare:

"Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes.
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
a choking gall and a preserving sweet. . ."

And, with all weddings come a funeral. I felt as if something were wrong, a little twinge of worry that was easily pushed to the back of my mind like so much junk. Too preoccupied with being so enraptured and captivated by another's body.

In sleep, that dream came to me again. Cassie's screams of terror and pain echoed through the house and rang harshly in my ears. That maniacal laughter followed my mind as it fell into a languid and suppressive darkness.

Hours later, I woke up. The dark let go. Baron was next to me, still and silent. I left him sleeping. It was a nightmare, walking the unlit corridor to Cassie's room. I could feel winter's cold icy fingers around my bare ankles. The dream had more than worried me, I won't deny. I quickened my pace as the faint smell of blood entered my nose. Fear pervaded me; my mind already knew what I would find, but my heart wouldn't accept.

The room was freezing; the glass of a window was shattered, and lay in pieces on the floor. Cassie's bed was empty. But, the smell of death and flesh and blood were strong. Tears blurred my perfect vision; there, on the floor, lay my sweet friend. Broken and tangled in a blanket. Eyes closed in serenity. I could see patches of grey skin where her blood matted hair hadn't crawled on her face. The flesh from her neck down had been torn and ripped off of her body. I collapsed, took her corpse into my arms, and cried my goodbye to my friend. My sanity shattered and time slowed as I sat there shaking, not from fear, but from the anger and grief. I surely must have been covered with her blood-- I didn't care. I could hear Celestina's laughter and smell her sweet, rotten perfume in the wind. Oh, how it was making me mad. Will it ever stop?

I came back to the present, everything was so unreal. I had been screaming, I think; my throat was raw. I felt as if I were watching the whole scene from somewhere above my own head. Baron rushed in and pulled Cassie's corpse out of my arms, laying it gently on the bed. By the look on his face, I could tell he knew exactly what was going through my mind.

Her death is my fault. Had I not given into Baron, she would still be breathing. It's all my fault. I thought this over to myself, reaffirming it so that is was entrenched into my soul. My fault.

I couldn't move from that bloodied spot on the floor. I felt a numbing rage and sadness that started to consume my thoughts, turning them to those of violent behaviors. I let Baron pick me up and carry me to the bathroom as Ricari put a sheet over her body. Celeste was crying and Christophe stood in a corner, the shadows hiding his countenance.

Baron started a bath and removed my ruined nightgown as the tub filled with water. I couldn't erase from my mind, her face. Cassie's tranquil fear.

Baron sat with me fully clothed in the hot liquid. He washed me with soap that smelled of sandalwood. Mmm, My favorite. It calmed me, but I said nothing to him as he continued his gentle ministrations. Tears rolled down my cheeks as if I hadn't been holding them in. I watched them drop, one by one, into the water. They made only tiny ripples before they dissapated and then their presence was forgotten. Little tiny ripples. The tears started to blur everything, I felt like I was looking at a blurred watercolor painting. I started to shake and turned into Baron's shoulder. I felt his arms wrap around me, comforting me. I wept for the end of my existence in innocence. That blissful ignorance getting smaller as it goes into the distance. I'll miss it.

He wiped away my tears with his thumbs and kissed my eyelids. He held me close as I tried to find my way back to him in my heart. He had done nothing wrong and I had already sought to punish him--he who loves me most and comforts me in my selfish pity. What kind of person was I becoming? Am I a monster?

"Never!" Baron's voice broke the silence of my distress. "Don't you ever even think such a thing. To grieve for a lost loved one was intended by nature, but what was never intended was for the innocent to blame herself. Celestina has won this battle, and if you continue in this manner she will..." Baron ran his fingers through my hair. "There are others, in this world of the living, who need you. Don't let her win. Avenge your dear friend with love in your heart. Don't let Celestina's hate defeat you."

I had never heard Baron's voice so impassioned. He felt the strike of Cassie's death too. I was not the only one grieving. In the little time that he had known my beloved friend, Christophe had made a friend of his own. Oh, how Christophe must be feeling. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

"Your clothes are all wet." I commented, looking down at his pajamas.

"It's alright."

We got out of the bath and dried off. After I was finished putting on my nightclothes I got into bed.

Baron kissed me goodnight… or good morning rather since the sun was already up.

As I fell to sleep once again, my mind traveled to another place in another life and let me watch. Maybe it would help me find that sadistic sorceress.

A/N: Sorry it took so long. It's my final year of high school... lots to do! But here, I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you everyone who added TVNF to their favourites! You guys are the coolest. Ciao! -LTO