Hold Me In Your Heart: Chapter Three – It's Been a While Since I've Seen Your Smile

Author's Notes – Ha. I haven't updated forever. I don't like updating. Anyway, this chapter is for Blakie-Boy!

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"Yeah, honey, he's in the spare room."

Rachael's voice reached my ears, and I immediately looked up to the closed door to my new room. There was only one person in the world that would ever want to visit me, and that one person was at the moment my least favorite person.

I quickly looked down at the bed when the door creaked open and revealed exactly whom I expected. Gayle. Gayle, who hadn't come to see me in three weeks, and didn't even bother to call. I was thinking up things to scream at him, when I noticed he was gaping at me, eyes wide.

"What?" I snapped, and he blinked a few times. After a few more moments of his gaping, I stood up from the bed, glared at, and stomped passed him. "Ray, I'm gonna go out for a while, 'kay?" She just looked up and nodded, telling me to be careful. So, I hurried out of the house, Gayle following me.

"What's your problem, Haydie-poo?" He came up and put his arm around my shoulder. "I was just surprised… you look so… different."

Ah! How could I have possibly forgotten about that? Only a few days ago Rachael convinced me to go out with her to get my hair done and buy a whole new wardrobe. She said my baggy pants and oversized shirts just weren't her thing. Honestly though, I found nothing wrong with them. Anyway, to top it all off, she made me – oh, and I'm not lying – she made me, honestly forced me to get my lip pierced. Twice. I sat there and cried like a baby too.

So, my once long hair is now short. Seriously. She whacked it all off! I was sitting in this chair and some crazy lady with scissors comes in and says all sweetly, "So, how would you like it?" I didn't have a chance to answer. I came out of there with short hair, bangs just over my eyes, and lime green streaks.

Oh, and my new clothes? We walked into the mall and she drug me into the nearest girls clothing store she could find. Personally, I thing she took the gay thing a little to far. Right now I've got on a pair of the tightest low-riding girls jeans that she could find. Not to mention a 'beautiful' pink shirt, a beautiful tight pink shirt. May I ask how girls wear shit like this?

Well, I guess we should get back to reality, right? "I don't have a problem." I growled, shrugging his arm off of my shoulder. "I'm sorry my new look isn't exactly to your liking. Maybe I would care if you would have come and see me. But did you, Gayle? No!" Maybe I should be a girl…

"I'm sorry, Hayden. Jesus Christ, I didn't say anything about your new look! You look fucking gorgeous, is that what you want to hear? I'm sorry I'm not a flaming faggot!" I stopped walking abruptly, and stared at him, mouth agape.

That hurt. That hurt a lot.

Where's my understanding brilliantly stupid, loving, take the blame for everything Gayle when I need him? Obviously not here now!

So, when he turned around to face me, mouth open ready to apologize I…

Smacked him with all the force I could conjure up. "That's for not coming to see me, or calling, and for making fun of me. For fooling me and making me think you weren't just like all those other jerks…" My eyes welled up with tears as he brought his hand up to his already reddening cheek.

"I-I'm sorry!" he stammered, reaching out to take me into his arms like so many times before. I put a hand to his chest, and his arms dropped back down to his sides.

"So am I, Gayle." I could feel his heartbeat beneath my palm, quickening for a moment.

Okay, so at this point in time I'm trying to stay calm. Be the one who leaves him. I want to walk away cool and collected. I want him to break down this time. I know. Sadist, much?

So, I take my hand from his chest; press my two fingers to my swollen lips and the two lip rings at each side of my mouth and give him the peace sign. "I hate you." I managed my most cutesy smile, and bounded away back to Rachael's house.

By the time I got back, I was indeed crying again.

"What's wrong Hayden? What'd he say to you?" She was already up and getting her stuff. "I'll kick his ass, I swear I will! Where is he?!" I couldn't help but to laugh through my tears.

"I don't know where he is. I think you need to kick my scrawny ass." I murmured as she walked over and wrapped her arms around me. She was like the best mommy in the world, I swear. "I told him I hated him… and I… smacked him." She nearly choked, and pulled away from me a little bit.

"Why, hun? You love him, I know you do."

"And that's exactly why I had to do it, Ray! I can't be around someone, be in love with someone who calls me a flaming faggot!"

That was the statement that irked me so. He called me a faggot. My Gayle, my sweet little Gayle called me a bad word.

"I don't want to be gay Rachael, I don't want to be gay. I hate it, I hate hating Gayle, and I hate my parents hating me." By the look on her face, I knew I should have just stayed quiet.

"Well then, sweetie, let's go get you a sex buddy! That'll take your mind off of everything, I swear!" Her smile was so wide, that I was almost terrified.

-

That's how I get here at club something or other. I can't even remember what the place is called, but she snuck me into a gay bar.

Of course, first she found me an even tighter pair of black pants and a tight, cut off black shirt. I feel like a whore. My pale, flat stomach is out there for the world to see (and she wants to me to get my belly button pierced! Ah!) Along with my hips, and I'm almost positive my ass is showing. Who could know though? These pants are like a second layer of skin.

"Hey baby,"

Okay, I could have totally ignored this guy if he wouldn't have grabbed my hips and started grinding into me. Oh shit, did that moan come from me?

So, I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer, feeling even more whorish than I had before.

I take this time to look him over. He's only just a bit bigger than me and he has tattoos scattered all over his arms. His hair is a lot like mine was before, well, except for the fact that his was obviously bleached white and it has black streaks in it.

"You're gorgeous," he breathed into my ear, causing me to shiver. "Let's go somewhere." I allowed him to drag me into a backroom, knowing completely his intentions and not having a single problem with them.

As soon as he had the door closed he pushed me down on a very small uncomfortable bed in the middle of the room and attached his mouth to mine. Which hurt like a bitch, seeing as my lips were still swollen from the piercing. Did I care, though? No, because this extremely sexy boy on top of me was taking the pain away.

Soon enough he stripped me of my shirt and started trailing soft, heated, butterfly kisses down my chest.

-

That was one of the best nights of my life, honestly. That's how Riley and I got together. Despite his whorish acts upon meeting him, he's actually very, very sweet. He's spoiling the shit out of me. We've only been dating for a couple of weeks and he's already gotten me numerous teddy bears and roses.

I think I may finally be getting over Gayle.

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Author's Note – Don't hit me. Please. I couldn't bear it; I'm already in enough pain! -whines about it- Sometimes I do wish I were a boy.

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