Your therapist calls them triggers, little things that bring back old memories. They're seemingly innocent But Oh God, how they trip you up in everyday movements. Especially after all you had to go through to forget, to laugh, to stop those stupid fucking trembles.

You're (un)lucky enough one night to find out what she really thinks about you. Evidence laid out in writing of all the insults and allusions and horrible cutting words that cut through you because half of them are true. And You Know, that you were always right about her. These days though there's nothing you can do because everyone insists that time heals all when really it just makes things more potent. This abhorration likes the fact she almost tore someone's world apart, she likes thinking that she could get away with it all.

Your favorite things are back and now they move through your body without real cause. Killing you at the worst of times, provoking worry and now you're just embarrassed. Why does it matter now? Why do you care? Maybe it's because you were right and he brushed you off for months. He concedes now though (only now that he has evidence) that yes, she was that bad, that yes, it wasn't only you that was hurt, that Yes, she wanted to hurt him too. You wish he just believed you because you knew what you were talking about, because you know deep down that the real reason you hate her so much is that once upon a time far far away you were her.

And you hate sympathizing with someone who wanted to tear your everything apart. You hate realizing that maybe... this was your fault. No one else's. Maybe that makes it just that much worse. He says its closure; you'll call it an epiphany.

a/n - end. i hope. i torture myself by looking at pictures of them, old but painful.