Do you ever wonder why we are who we are? Or why we do the things we do? Do you ever ponder why we are the way we are? Does the reason really matter?
I wonder about these things as I sit waiting for my shrink. I am a chain-smoking, coffee-drinking sod who has far outlived my usefulness. My joints creak, my bones pop and my hair is almost gone. I am only forty-five too. I still have all my teeth though.
The rest of me is depressing so I am trying to kill myself. I want cancer but it's just not happening.
I never get what I really want. In fact, I've never really gotten anything that I really wanted. Not the looks, the grades, the girl, or anything. My shrink probably thinks I am crazy and I probably am. But I have feelings too.
I also have free will, which could stop me from coming to these stupid sessions. Although for me to stop coming would take a lot of willpower because I think that Dr. Avi is positively stunning with her golden hair and emerald eyes. Her skin looks smooth and flawless. She would never see me for the man I could be however. I am too old, too everything for her. I fear that I scare her with my thoughts, among other things.
Watching as she walks in, I can't help but notice her lovely shape that her dress can't hide. "Raymond, it's good to see you again." Dr. Avi says and I smile. She's fresh out of school working in an independent group out of the local university. She looks so sweet and innocent.
"Lovely to see you again Sandra." I reply, placing my shackles on the table.
So what I'm in prison, she might find that I am a good man. Despite a few discrepancies of course, like robbing a bank and beating my father with a baseball bat but I can cook. And I can clean a house. My mother, God rest her soul, made sure that I could take care of a woman.
Plus, I would never hurt her and I'd make a good dad once I get out of this place in six months. I'm sure of that. I've already served majority of my time and just have six miniscule months ahead of me before I'm out.
"Should we talk about your father some more?" she asks in that angelic voice.
"We should discuss us." I tell her. She blushes softly and I lean forward. "Don't tease me Sandra. You can't fight this attraction between us."
"You mean this distraction between us Raymond. I've actually come here today to tell you that this is your last session with me. I've assigned someone else to your case. I can't do this anymore."
"You know what I'm talking about Raymond." she says not meeting my eyes.
Well I'll be damned. My flirting has actually paid off. The doc likes me. What are the odds?
I know that I won't be able to change her mind about staying on as my shrink though. "Can I at least have a goodbye kiss before you go?"
"That wouldn't be professional." she tells me with another lovely blush.
"You're not my doc anymore." I point out.
She bits her lip and I have to stop myself from groaning. "Just one?" she asks softly.
"Just one." I say holding out my hands to her. She walks around the table before gently takings them and I slowly pull her close to me. "I just need one kiss."
She closes the distance between us as I hold on to her dress. I instantly want more of her. I wish I were a free man now so that we can be together if she wanted us to be but I'm not so I have to enjoy this while I can.
And I do. I'm not eager to let go as the guards act like the bastards they are, hootin' and hollerin'. I pull her in for another kiss, which she dominates, to my surprise.
"Don't be a stranger darlin'." I say huskily in my southern drawl when we draw apart.
"I won't." she whispers and I smile, surprised and delighted. "But you have to stop smoking. I want you around for a while longer."
My smile widens. "Yes dear."
She blushes again. Man, I love her. And she's all mine. I'm not going to screw this up. And who knows, maybe when I get out I can persuade her into marrying me.