Priests and Women

I sat violently at the table

Surrounded by women who were unwilling and unable

Then the girl came in wearing nothing but leather

I thought that nothing could be better

I said, "How are you sis?"

She stares me in the eye and asks for a kiss

So I get her right on the lips

While I grab her pointed hips

She slaps me immediately and with a disjointed smile

Says "I wouldn't do that for quite a while"


I watched as my priest burned another heathen

He said, "He must have been evil

Why else would he have glowing red eyes?"

He looks at me hopefully but ultimately sighs

Looking sad he asks me "you're still thinking about her?"

I narrow my eyes saying, "I would like to defer

Her and me have never met before

Even though we've had sex and more

Because she was under the sheets and said she was cold

So she made me wear a nylon blindfold"


Well the priest and the girl met one night

She showed him an evenings delight

Throwing stones at atheists from under a tree

While pretending that everyone is free

And I just looked on with some jealous fool

Next to him I looked positively cool

But it was me pretending not to care

I still had to stay and stare

He's twice as old as she should be

And she's probably wiser but he won't believe


I waited at the castle gates with vengeance in mind

I wanted them to go blind

I painted my crown black and awaited their return

I was there for three months until I finally learned

She'd ran off with the priest in hand

So they could become martyrs to the God of the Bland

During this time I forgot to eat

So I died of starvation while still waiting for her and the priest