what if

what if i was breathing
on the days you were
would i be one of them,
engulfed by your charisma,
trailing your footsteps?
if i was a li'l piece to the throng
& you passed me by
would you cast me a glance
& greet me with a nod?
what if by random fate
we met along the way
& you said, "Good day!"
would i have the pluck to utter
the praises i proclaim
& the secrets i confess in my prayers?
would i even recognize the subject of my faith?

on the day of your trial
would i agree with the Pharisees
condemn you a sinner
& holler your crucifixion?
or, like Judas Iscariot,
would i be blinded by guilt
& deny myself
a gift of forgiveness?
would i spread a lie
of never knowing you
before the rooster announced dawn
like Simon Peter did?
would i be like Mary
silently enduring
the fulfillment of a prophecy?
or, like Pontius Pilate
would i wash my hands
& declare myself innocent
of your blood?

on your walk to Calvary,
would i be like the pilgrim from Cyrene
who, although hesitant,
bore the Cross as your proxy?
would i wail like the Matronly Eves
mourning as you suffer?
would i be one of the Adverse Party
who spat on your blood-caked face,
heaping insults as you pass?
would i be one of the Roman soldiers
whipping your tattered back
as you progress for Golgotha?

at the hour of the Atonement
would i fall to my knees,
revere the Blood streaming down the Cross
a redemption-parched Earth?
would i turn my back
laugh, label you a fool,
& refuse your sacrifice?
or, like the Thief, would i
pray for a ticket to Heaven?

i know my place
where i stand---
in Caiaphas' courtyard
our alliance i denied.
to Praetorium i dragged you
braided my sins
& placed it on your head.
in the craggy hill of Golgotha
i pounded my hammer
& nailed your extremities to the Cross---
'twas me,
'twas the dirt on my face
that held you there.

glaringly sadistic
but this is my reality---
for my Chains to be broken
my sins to be forgiven
for Satan to be held in his rightful place
& for you to be my Risen King
i must crucify you, my God.

Author's note:
"the pilgrim from Cyrene" - Simon of Cyrene
"Matronly Eves" – The women who wept while Jesus marched to His death in Golgotha.
"Adverse Party" – The people who mocked and spat on Jesus face in His procession to crucifixion.
"in Caiaphas' courtyard" – The place where Peter committed the first of his three denials of being connected to Jesus.
Praetorium – where Jesus was held to be flogged.