(After Salvador Dali's 'Aztal.' - tinyurl dot com slash l26n9)

Timothy Morrison, Seventy-Three
Bakerfield Avenue, Township of Lee.
State of Wisconsin, the United States,
Two Zero Six Six Five, Seven Twelve Eight.

This is addressed to the parties concerned:
Really, I must have my money returned!
For I have bought this new kitchenware set,
and it has caused me a bit of a fret.

Shiny? It is, and looks lovely when new –
but as I chose to make nice lobster stew,
there was a slight bit of troublesome flap.
Knife down to tablecloth? Three inches' gap.

Apples went airborne, the wine a cascade!
Somehow the cherries and pear were unscathed.
I waved the conch shell you claimed would avail:
All that it brought was a bird with forked tail.

So, you say, why did I not make a stir,
seize a good hold of that troublesome bird?
I'll now confess: I considered that too,
but forked tails are no good for eating your stew.

(They can't stay straight as fine silverware should.)
Let me just say that I would if I could!
As I cannot, would you refund my fees?
Send them as soon as you can, if you please.

Let me assure you, I won't buy a jot,
Aztal Utensils, not one lobster pot!