Bitterness,

Tearing through my veins,

Blackening my blood.

All of this pain...for nothing...

But isn't that what it's all for in the end.

Fear.

I am so afraid.

For this there is no point,

All of it, incomplete...

Driving me to the point of insanity,

To the point of bitter,

Stupid tears,

As my conscience cries out, Your hate will destroy you...

I grin and whisper, "Ending it all..."

Relief would be sweet,

Even if it lasted for only a moment,

And then would there be oblivion?

Too many questions and no answers,

Making this wound grow and devour,

Devouring all but my hate and my pain,

Biting beneath my skin as this bitterness,

Catalyst upon catalyst.

But what do you do when there is no reason?

You cry.

I close my eyes and feel the tears...

But don't let them out.

Not now.

Later...

For when the dark is darker...

And the silence is more silent...

But this wanting shall never be fulfilled,

Neither shall this need for calm.

The chaos always ebbs ...

Before it consumes.

Pressing my fingernails into my skin,

Waiting for this hurt to subside,

While I wish it away.

Wishes never granted...

Always fall and break like such fragile tears of glass.

Always crash and burn.

Only embers left,

To be whisked away by chilling winds,

Praying for that wind to carry away this worthlessness...

Maybe bring nothingness.

Though it shall never stop.

It only numbs,

Laying in wait to snatch away the believed facade.

I love the darkness,

And hate the pain.

Seeing beauty when most see horror.

Few, precious others share my vision.

Bask in the darkness while agony sleeps.

-----

Alone.