The Thing About Babysitters...
I still couldn't get over that I kissed him.
Of course I understood why I had done it, aside from my crush. It started, the burning need, when he began to worry his lips. I wanted to nibble on that plump lower lip or at the very least taste it. Hell just to touch them would be awesome. And guess what? It fucking was. I still feel his lips on mine strangely like a phantom limb. It's like the ghost of that moment lingered on well into the next morning and still hasn't left me for three days. It is probable this is all my imagination but really I just can't stop thinking about it. Even more so I want to do it again. Many times over till I practically overdose. Amazing, one hit and I'm already addicted. I wonder what he thinks about it and pray I didn't totally scare him off. I mean I don't know for sure if he's even gay, let alone if he likes me in that way. Then again I have never seen him with a girl other than that pretty mixed chick but they seem more like friends than lovers. But what do I know? It feels like very little.
However, I am confident in my knowledge that I like Sebastian very much. Is that enough?
It is the last Thursday of summer break and I'm at the mall with a few of my friends. Jeremy and Lucas are discussing some party they went to, I think the one I bailed. I'm fiddling with the straw of my milkshake zoning out while Jane sits across from me, giving me a concerned look I don't notice right away. That is until she snaps her fingers in front of my face. I jolt out of my thoughts and frown at her, but it falls when I see that expression. Then I put on my best smile and tilt my head, "What?"
"I heard you and Haylee broke up," she says without hesitation taking a sip from her own milkshake.
My smile falters at that. It usually wouldn't matter since I go through girlfriends like I go through sneakers but I know Jane too well, she's fishing for something else or she doesn't want to talk about Haylee. It's like an opening line to ease into what she really wants to ask or discuss. I think she knows me too well and sometimes that can be very annoying. Even so, I love her, platonically of course, and I know she only ever has my best interests at heart. Still, do we have to talk about this now? Summer's almost over and I'd rather not.
I shrug, "Yeah, what of it?"
She frowns this time and leans back crossing her arms, and looking uncannily like my mother, "You've been a little funny lately."
"Oh, how so?" I ask in false nonchalance.
I know she can see right through it. Jane Michaels is a very pretty girl with long auburn hair and beautiful hazel eyes. She has a petite figure but still with notable womanly curves. She's about 5'6" in height give or take an inch. Jane is really kind-hearted but she does come off head-strong. We have been friends since diapers so she probably the only person who knows everything about me and whom I am closest too. I usually can tell her everything but I haven't yet divulged my crush on Sebastian Burke to her. I wonder what she would think and that makes me nervous. I have I really been acting weird? I think that maybe that is a possibility because I have been so preoccupied. Does she sense that?
"Skipping out on parties, spacing out more often that usual, and what's this I hear about you babysitting the Burke kids?" She raises a naturally manicured eye-brow.
"Sebastian is hardly a kid," I scoff a little. Okay, why did I just say that?
Suddenly a mischievous smile forms on my friend and I realize I have made a grave mistake. I have just given myself away, haven't I? She has too much intuition for one girl. She is like super intuitive and it's almost scary. I can never keep anything from her not that I intentionally want to all the time. My cheeks heat up without my consent and thus definitely giving it away. Great, what will she say about this?
"Ah, I see," she taps her chin thoughtfully and eyes are friends who are stuck in a heated discussion. "Hey, guys, Taylor and I are going to the bookstore real quick, 'kay?"
They mumble something incoherent for their acknowledgement, but I'm not so sure they actually heard what she said. She leans over and kisses Lucas on the cheek before grabbing her drink in one hand and my wrist in the other dragging me off giving me barely time to snatch up my own milkshake. We weave through the afternoon crowd and she makes a bee-line for the escalator, she lets go of my wrist then as we ride up. We're silent and she doesn't ask or voice her thoughts. I watch her carefully and suck on my straw nervously. Once we make it to the second story we head in a slower pace towards the bookstore. There isn't really a mall in Caprice so we have to go to the next town over to their mall. It's two stories and pretty decent so a lot of Caprice residents come here when they can.
Jane and I finally make it to the bookstore and wander around a bit before finding ourselves a secluded section. Obviously she wants to talk without anyone overhearing us. She really is an amazing friend and knew I wouldn't want to discuss my personal life in front of the others. Even still I'm apprehensive about what she is going to say or ask. I hate feeling anxious like this and not knowing what she is thinking. I am not as perceptive as her by any means. Sometimes I wish I was and other times I'm glad I'm not. Occasionally ignorance is bliss. I pick up a book and flip through it not really seeing what's there but just giving myself something to do.
"So how long have you had this infatuation?" she finally said out of a long pregnant silence.
"Huh?" was my dumb reply. It was a pretense of course, because I did know what and whom she was speaking of.
She gives me a look before saying, "Don't play the idiot, we're alone. Come on, spill."
I suppose I really don't have much choice since knowing her she'll keep pestering me until I finally break down. She can be so evil sometimes, though not really. Okay I'm contradicting myself. I sigh in defeat and lean just slightly on the shelf of books, "Alright, if you must know."
"I must, Tay-bear," she grins playfully at me. I hate that nickname.
"Right, well, yeah…I guess I sort of, maybe…have a crush on Sebastian Burke," I turn away from her and pick up another book.
"I knew it!" she exclaims with triumph and I roll my eyes before tossing the book back on the shelf. "That's so cute though, crushing on the boy you are babysitting," she continues snickering.
I mock glare at her and pout, "Well I can't help it. He is too cute for his own good."
"Yeah, I've seen him. He is adorable so I don't blame you," she nods her head and we both move to a little bench taking a seat. "So what are you going to do?"
"Nothing," I say keeping it simple and don't mention that other night, at least not yet.
"Taylor Greene! You have to do something," her voice rises a little and it makes me nervous. I like my lips though and remember again that kiss we shared, or well I some what forced on him. "Oh my god, you kissed him, didn't you?!"
"What the hell, woman?!" my voice rises with her in shock and wonder if she's really psychic but then bite my lip glancing around. That was loud; did anyone other than us catch that? I don't want this getting back to anyone at our school. Though of course we aren't in Caprice so it's not like everyone here will know who I am like in our town.
"So did he return it? How did it happen? Give me details," she said this time quieter.
"It was when I left early from that one party and I ended up at his house, basically got him to come out and take a walk with me to the gas station. Once we got slushies, we went back to his house and I don't know, as I was saying good by he was chewing on his lips and I just got the urge…" I sigh and rub a hand over my face, fingers brushing against my lips remembering the taste of Sebastian's. "He didn't pull away."
I feel a hand on my shoulder and peer at Jane beside me, "He makes me want to be me, the real me, Jane."
Her eyes soften and she smiles, "You should tell him how you feel."
With that she gets up and walks away, leaving me to my thoughts saying she's going to look for a book she's been wanting. I don't say anything but stare ahead without really seeing what is physically in front of me. I know she's right but there are too many variables to this equation and I hate math. Not only is he the boy that I babysit, but only fourteen and male and certainly not someone most of my friends would allow to see me with. I know I shouldn't allow them to rule over me but once you get caught in their web it's hard to escape. At least I had Saturday to decide, if I decided to do anything at all.
AN: I know, but here it is. I'm not sure if I like this chapter or not, at least you get to see his friend Jane. I like her. They both have faghags, whoo! Go check out my NaNoWriMo, The Ginger Kid. As always, review please! It's really nice and makes me up some may even motivate me.