afternoon sunlight cornered through my window
but I was not thinking of that

previous seasons instead
still carrying their reasons in my head
my reasons. yours. ours.
the sharp desires for justification
in a misaligned timeline
where nothing fits and puzzles together
like you and I

first step to leaving your addiction
is admitting it. and honey
we've been relentless in our confessions

what I've actually been kitten stepping around
is the ingrained memory of us
looking out over the water after dark
when you were trying to find not just a muse
but a kind of love you hadn't had

and I, strung in your arms
cat's cradle woven to your fingers
knowing I could give you this to hold
but unaware if you'd want to keep it
wound out too many words
trying to convince us both
that I was not already spinning into love
with you. with the dreams
shining in your eyes

I've always preferred the truths of rain
to the blindings of sunshine
but illusions can carry you in any weather

seasons later and you are still dreaming
I build my futures with you from sand
loving more than I did then
but knowing better
that you are less and less likely
to become the man I see in you
a face you both fear and crave
because from your inside mind side
loss in any shape is not a draught
you think you could swallow again

and so you'll do your best
to love me more than ever
to lose me slower but still