Kiss a boy before you turn fourteen, and save the humiliation of every girl you know (or in my case, my best friend, Mandy,) asking, "Want to go on a double date with me and (insert other girl's boyfriend's name here)? Oh, I forgot, you aren't…you aren't seeing anyone."

And you might add something untruthful but not altogether unrealistic, like saying, "I choose not to see a guy right now!" instead of doing what I did, which was to respond "It's Steven and I, not me and Steven."

Steve Reynolds has been going out with Mandy for the past three or four

years, and now he's got a car, and I've been asked to double-date for about a million times. But of course, even if I said 'I choose to not see a guy right now' Mandy would know this is not the truth.

Then, if your other best friend Carrie laughs and says, "How can Chloe go on a double date? She hasn't even been kissed!" then do not, not not do what I did, which was reply, "Duh! Everybody's been kissed, so have I!" as this can lead to intimate questioning.

Try and look very dreamy when your friends try and question you about who your fake-first kiss was with, instead of, perhaps, knocking your milk off the lunch tray at school as I exampled.

And next; if your second best friend Carrie asks, "So, give me details, Chloe, who is this guy you supposedly kissed?" in a you-are-so-lying tone, you should shrug and grin and blush like all the other girls, instead of doing what I did, which was start whispering furiously about myself and Orlando Bloom's little brother sitting on a cloud smooching.

The conversation had easily and thankfully been abandoned after lunch. It was the last

week of school and Mandy and Carrie were oh-so-excitedly discussing the last dance on

Friday when Steve Reynolds (Mandy's boyfriend) and Mark Taylor (Carrie's boyfriend)

pulled up in the parking lot and hopped out of their cars, grinning.

Mark Taylor usually drives me and Carrie home, because we live only a few blocks apart, but today he pulls up in only a two-seated little junky car with the hood down.

"Hey, hey, hey?" he calls as he hops out of his car, slaps Steve a high-five and strides up to Mandy, Carrie and me. "I just got this little baby out of the shop," he said, flicking a hand in the direction of his little car. "I don't have to drive my dad's crappy ass Volvo anymore," he says happily, and then looks at me and says, "sorry, it only seats two, and y'know…"

I nod.

"Besides, can't your boyfriend drive you home? Even if he doesn't go to your school," Mark shrugs. He doesn't really know me and doesn't know I don't have a boyfriend, because him and Carrie just started dating a few weeks ago. Mark has baby blonde hair and a bit of puppy fat on his cheeks, but he dresses nice and is fairly popular, and apparently doesn't mind waiting for Carrie to get ready to go on dates.

Carrie shoots Mark a don't-you-listen look and rolls her eyes. Obviously she has told Mark I don't have a boyfriend. But a second later he comes over and gives her a 'hug' as he gropes at her and I guess she doesn't mind too much he didn't remember.

Steve Reynolds, who had been talking on his cell phone while Mandy held his hand, suddenly clicked the phone off and stuffed it in the back pocket of his DKNY jeans. "Hey, no sweat," he says, grinning at everyone. "Chloe, you can ride with Mandy and I."

"Cool, thanks," I say, smiling at him. At least I can talk to guys, I think, as he nods back. But then, he's Steve, and he's always polite to everyone. And then a moment later he kisses Mandy on the cheek and she runs a hand through his hair. Oh, great, I think. Is this what I'm going to be watching the whole car ride home?

Steve, or Steven, as Mandy calls him, is loaded with cash, since both his parents are in real estate, but they are apparently never home. He's our school's star football player, giving Mandy a large social boost, as his older sister Viola, a senior and 'Queen Mean' of the school, invites him and his latest girlfriend to all the latest and coolest parties.

Steve and his sister are both gorgeous looking; they both have dark brown hair, and clear blue eyes, although Viola's hair is actually highlighted white blonde. They both have the perfect stereotype bodies of the perfect girl or guy at our high school. Viola has a tiny waist, basketball-sized breasts and is tanned to a glowing perfection; Steve has hugely large shoulders even when he isn't playing football, he's pretty tall, and from what I hear from Mandy, an amazing stomach. Mandy can't believe how 'lucky' she got 'this time.'

We say goodbye to Carrie and Mark and get into Steve's car, which is a huge land rover and smells almost sickeningly new. I've heard rumors he totaled his last car. Steve is always the gentleman, and places Carrie and me in the back seats, instead of him and Carrie in the front and me in the back, which would officially entitle me the 'third wheel'.

"So," says Mandy, breaking the silence of the car ride home. We've gone a few blocks, and Steve keeps glancing back at Mandy. Sometimes I wonder why he is with her. I admit, I've been very jealous. Especially the first time I met him.

Mandy was the first to get a boyfriend, and although they were all pigs, when Mandy was caught in the broom cupboard with Steve, it was like she wasn't the same anymore. None of us were. All three of us had always fantasized about meeting someone like Steve, and she had done it first, and now I always felt awkward and sad around the two of them, like I wasn't pretty enough because I didn't have a boyfriend like him and Mandy did

"So…what?" said Steve, glancing back at Mandy in the rearview mirror.

"Oh, uh…nothing," says Mandy. It's obvious she was about to bring up going to the movies.

"We going to the movies tonight?" says Steve suddenly. How ironic. Now he's just brought it up instead.

"Uh…yeah," says Mandy, looking at me uncertainly.

"Here's my stop," I say suddenly, my hands on the handle to the door.

"I thought you live two blocks that way," says Steve, pointing.

"Yeah, but I…want to walk, it's a nice day, you know…"

When they finally let me off, Mandy gets out, too, and gets in the front with Steve. He grabs her hand immediately and speed off. I hear Mandy shout "Woo!" as they fly around a corner.

Sorry for keeping you two from each other, I think grimly. I start walking and a few minutes later I'm stopped by Miss Cline, an old widow. She lives a block away from me and I watch her pets sometimes when she visits her son in Florida.

"Oh, hello, dear! Do come in for tea?" she asks, gesturing a hand to the door.

"Can't, I have homework," I lie, then add guiltily, "sorry, Miss Cline."

"Never mind, dear!" says Miss Cline happily. "Let me just remind you, Chocolate and Cocoa's puppies are due to arrive in about three weeks! And I'm leaving next week to visit Jack in Florida!"

"I'll remember," I nod.

"I just can't believe Cocoa is going to be a momma! I've read all the parenting books to her!" Miss Cline gushes.

She is joking. I think.

"Well," I say. "I'll be off…thanks, Miss Cline."

"Of course, dear!"

"Oh, uh, wait…Miss Cline?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Um, do you mind if I bring Mandy or Carrie over a few times? Just to watch TV

while I take care of the dogs."

"Of course! And I wouldn't mind," Miss Cline winks at me, "If you'd bring a boy

to the house, to meet the dogs. Just as long as it's alright with your parents."

"Er, there isn't a boy," I say. "Why would you think there would be one?"

"I was talking to a neighbor the other day, and they said something about seeing

you with a boy! Holding hands!"

"Who was this?" I ask, astonished.

"Oh, it was Mildred from across the street."

Ah, I think, completely depressed now. Mildred Smith is a teacher at my little

sister Natalie's junior high. Natalie was holding hands with a boy—something I've never

done—and a teacher saw her?

I'm completely depressed the rest of the way home.

I need a boyfriend, I say to myself as I reach my front door. I need need, need a

boyfriend! And I'm going to get one.