It's a strange feeling to lose

But with me I lost and then won

I admit the gap between the two was large

So large it barely made any difference at all

But to me it made all of the difference in the world

The kind of gratification that

Can take a lifetime to achieve.

What made it even better

Was the fact that I had waited for so long


Waited in exile

Whether it was forced or voluntary exile

Is neither here nor there

I like to think it was a mixture

In the end we all exile ourselves from something:

The child from his parents

The murderer from his past

Or a soul departing from its flesh

My exile was none of these

Yet they were all of them

Because it left such an abyss in my soul

That it made me feel like a thousand deaths


The emptiness is what hurts the most

The longing to return

And yet knowing that such a thing is impossible

You wonder if your past life has changed at all

In my experience the only thing that changed

Was my world and I


That's how life is viewed isn't it?

From a little window

Nestled in the vast expanse of your own consciousness.

You never see it all and you never want to

I saw it all

I took it upon myself

To see beyond that one window

And what I saw almost took me to madness

I thought I had seen everything,

But I only saw what He wanted me to see.