Contemplating Change

A/N: A note from a daughter to a mother...

Is it wrong if I don't want to rearrange my life

If I don't want to go back to living in pain and strife?

Is it bad if I want to be happy even now?

Is it bad if I like how I live? Then, how?

Is it going against my morals if being with you is like living in sin?
Always hurting, always in pain, always concerned about what you may gain?

Sighing deeply all the time,

And not many people really know why.

But deep inside the corners of my soul

There is someone who just wants to sit and mope in the cold.

There is a part of me that always hurts so bad

Because you are hurting,

It just makes me sad.

I hate the thought of you in any pain.

I hate knowing what's up with you,

Because…it's always the same.

You lost your car or quit your job.

You gave away your pets, or barely missed the mob.

Your friends are giving out on you, and though I beg and beg

You will not come and be with me,

You will not help me live.

And now all of a sudden, out of the blue

You want to be with me, you want to start your life new

But how can you do that?

It's not as easy as it seems

I've traveled around with you before,

And it's not all shine and gleams.

I love where I live now…

Why can't you see?

You had your chance with me,

And you missed out.

I'm sorry, but…it's too hard.

You take up my life,

But in the end of the things…

I'd rather just get a card.

I hate to be mean, and I won't really get my way.

But how can you expect me to accept you, with your disease and all,

When you've rejected me for so long,

When you've let me continually fall?

I love you, my dearest, more than life itself.

But you can't just jump in like this.

You'll have to let time do it by itself.

I want you in my life.

It's been my only dream.

But right now, I'm just not ready.

So please…give me time, and then, maybe…

……………………………….