Chapter Five: My Faithful Butterfly
Things hadn't exactly turned out how I'd planned.
I hadn't meant to start off so badly.
Maybe I'm not as stable as I thought I was. Jezz… I just got so scared that he'd never accept me, and I… reverted to who I used to be.
Now both he and his "Moon Elf", as they call him, hate me.
How am I supposed to go on this journey with them if they'll never listen to me?
I was hoping that, finally, I would get some acceptance.
I was hoping for too much.
This time, they don't hate me for my skin. They hate me for who I am.
Which is ten times worse.
I'd rather have someone hate me for my species; it's easier to brush off. But they hate me for my actions, even if I couldn't exactly help them.
Maybe I couldn't have changed the way Jezz's mother thought of me and him, but I could have been nicer, instead of rubbing it in his face.
Sometimes, I just get sick of this pathetic existence.
It would be so much easier if I just dropped off the face of the planet. Too scared to even kill myself…
I just don't want to exist.
Maybe I'll go with them, into the gods' palaces.
Maybe they'd make me disappear.
Maybe I won't have to deal with this anymore.
Everyone would be a lot better off.
He loved me.
It was so sudden, and yet…
How did it make me feel…?
Did I love him, too?
I'd been telling myself, "No," but… is that the truth? All those feelings… I don't know! I'd never been in love before, how would I know?!
And if I'm not sure, I guess that means I'm not in love, right?
Don't you just know? That's what everyone always says.
How do you know if you have no idea what it is?
I guess it really doesn't matter right now.
We're leaving tomorrow.
With Peregrine, whether we like it or not.
How did things get so messed up?
One day, I was a carefree little boy on his horse, playing with his best friend, and now…
What I wouldn't give to have all that back.
I don't want all of this. This awkwardness, this hate, this anger.
Is it so much to ask? For everything to just go away?
I'm tired of feeling like this; like there's a huge weight pressing down on me and there's nothing I can do about it. What will it take for it to go away?
I put my head in my hands, sighing.
"I'm going for a ride, Jezz," I yelled out.
I heard a muffled, "Okay," and then walked out the door, jumping on Firae.
I preferred to ride bareback, myself, though occasionally I used a saddle. This was one of the times where I decided not to use one.
It felt better, more comforting.
I closed my eyes briefly, throwing back my head and relishing the feel of the wind on my face. My hair trailed behind me, reaching back towards home.
"Go anywhere, Firae," I whispered into his soft, golden ears.
I didn't care where I went.
I just wanted to go somewhere.
Sighing, I nuzzled my head into Firae's silky mane, not bothering to look up.
Which was, in hindsight, very stupid.
I fell asleep, and Firae just kept on going.
Now, Firae is an Elven horse, which means that he does whatever he wants, for the most part, and is much faster than a normal horse.
When I woke up, I had no idea where we were.
"Firae? Firae, take me back to the Temple," I said nervously.
He snorted, ignoring me, and just kept on going.
"Where are we going? Firae! What are you doing?"
I was not about to jump off and probably injure myself, so I clutched anxiously onto Firae's mane and bit my lip.
Jezz would be so pissed.
Firae finally slowed to a trot as we neared a clearing in the forest, before finally stopping next to a log house.
"Okay, this is nice and all, but take me back now!" I said firmly.
He neighed, shaking his head.
I sighed and slid off of him. Hesitantly, I walked toward the door and knocked.
There was no answer for some time, and I turned back to my horse, annoyed. Firae would still not move. I knocked louder.
Finally, the door opened, and I was face to face with Peregrine.
"What are you doing here?" I gasped out.
He looked perplexed, and cocked his head to one side.
"Eh, this is my home. Hello, Delyn. What brings you here?" he asked in a bored tone.
"I don't know," I started, "Firae just brought me here. I kind of fell asleep while he was running, and…"
Peregrine chuckled. "Huh. I wonder why he brought you here."
"I don't know," I grumbled, "but he won't let me leave."
"Would you like something to drink, then?"
I turned back to Firae, who was busy grazing. "I guess so."
I followed Peregrine inside, closing the door behind us.
His house was incredibly bare, with hardly any furniture or decorations. It was simply a wooden house without any lavish touches whatsoever.
I liked it. It was similar to the house I had lived in before I was taken to the Temple. The Temple was so ornate, not my style at all, really. Sure it was beautiful, but…
I sat down on a couch in his living room, waiting for him to come out of the kitchen.
"Is tea alright?" He called.
Truthfully, I hated tea, but I didn't want to be rude…
"Yes, that's fine," I said to him.
A few minutes later he walked out with a tray in hand. He placed it on his coffee table and sat across from me.
I grabbed my cup and stirred some sugar into it, and looked at him.
"So…" he started, clearly unsure of what to talk about.
"Um, when you come with us," I began, looking at him nervously, "would it kill you to be nicer to Jezz?"
He closed his eyes tightly, looking pained. "I am so sorry, Delyn. I truly wanted to make amends with Jezz. I'm not that person anymore, I swear to you. I…"
I nodded, taking a sip of my tea and trying my hardest not to grimace.
"It's okay, just don't let it happen again, or I can't be held responsible for what Jezz might do."
He smiled slightly, "And I wouldn't hold you responsible. If I do it again, you have my permission to do whatever you like to me. I would deserve it. I don't mean to cause him pain."
He certainly sounded sincere enough. I mean, maybe he didn't want to hurt people. But when that's all you've done your entire life…
It must be a hard habit to break.
I smiled, "Okay then."
He thought for a moment, and then said, "Promise me that you won't lie to me."
I tilted my head. "What?" That seemed to be a bit random…
"Please? It is important to me. Not that I deserve your promise, but please."
I considered this. He wanted me to be honest? I suppose that's a good thing, isn't it? Maybe he'd been lied to a lot, growing up how he did.
And I don't lie that often, anyway.
"Alright, I promise I won't lie to you."
We were silent for a minute or so, before I stood.
"Do you think Firae will take me home now?"
He shrugged, holding his hands up. "May as well check."
I went outside and Firae seemed ready to leave.
"Alright, then, Peregrine. See you tomorrow."
He smiled, waving, "It was nice to speak with you."
Firae turned around, and we were about to leave, before I remembered.
"Oh, Peregrine!" I yelled, and he stopped in the middle of closing the door.
"Yes?" he asked.
"I hate tea!" I said, grinning, before urging Firae forward.
I heard him chuckle as we rode off, Firae finally taking be back home.
He'd been gone all day!
Where was he?!
Maybe he'd gotten kidnapped, or attacked, or…
No, no, he was probably just clearing his mind. At least he was outside, instead of in this oppressive Temple.
Funny how it only seemed oppressive when I was alone.
With Delyn, nothing is uncomfortable.
Speaking of, I can't believe I actually told him how I felt.
What was I thinking?!
That was by far the stupidest thing I'd ever done. This always happens. It seems right to say something at first, but then afterwards you end up kicking yourself.
I slammed my fists on the table.
…I really should work on my temper.
I mean, I tore up the entire house yesterday night just because I was a little pissed off. Sure, it brought back pain I had been trying to suppress my entire life, but that was no reason to break everything in sight.
At least, that's what most people would say.
I should probably work on my anger, then. What is it the humans say? Count to ten? I wonder how counting is supposed to make you less angry…
I heard footsteps in the distance, and stood up quickly.
It was hard to hear anything, since there happened to be a lot of elves outside talking, but when the door opened, I was relieved to see Delyn enter.
"Where have you been?!" I cried, rushing over to him.
He smiled, "Uh, I fell asleep on Firae…"
I chuckled. He used to do that a lot as a kid.
"And, um, he took me to, uh…"
"Yes…?" I asked, intrigued.
"Um, Peregrine's house," he squeaked.
"WHAT?!" I roared, ready to run to his house and beat him to a pulp, "What did he do to you? Did he hurt you? Are you okay? What happened?"
"Jezz, Jezz, calm down!" he cried, exasperated.
I clenched my teeth. "Okay… What happened?"
One… Two... Three… Four…
Five… Six… Seven… Eight…
Does it really work?
Good thing Delyn decided to keep talking, or I really would have run outside.
"Nothing happened. I went inside to talk to him, and he made me tea,"
"But you hate tea!" I protested.
"I know, Jezz," he said, glaring at me to shut up, "and he said he was really sorry and that he didn't mean to act out like that. I told him that if he ever did it again I couldn't be held responsible for what you did to him…"
I grinned, "Damn straight."
"And he said that he knew, and that he figured he'd deserve it. He seemed really sorry, Jezz."
I ground my teeth together.
"Jezz," Delyn pleaded, looking at me with his soft green eyes, "I don't want you two fighting tomorrow. Will you try to forgive him?"
My eye twitched. Forgive Peregrine? How could I ever do something like that? There's too much hatred there for me to just…
Delyn grabbed me by the shirt, his big eyes full of sadness, "Please, Jezz? You know how I feel about fighting…"
My heart wrenched; it was true… He despised it like nothing else…
It would be pretty selfish of me to fight with Peregrine over something he really didn't have any control over—as much as I hate to admit it—when it would tear Delyn up inside.
He continued talking, softly, "Will you do that? For me?"
Gods, he knew how to make me do thing.
That last "for me" did it.
He knew I'd do anything for him, even…
"Yes," I said with certainty, "I will try, Delyn, but I can't promise you anything this time."
He smiled and nuzzled his head into my chest.
I ran my fingers through his glossy black hair as he said, "Thank you."
He pulled away, then, and flounced off to the bedroom, his hair fluttering out behind him like millions of little butterflies.
I smiled. He was like a butterfly.
Though, not as how they are normally thought of— always flitting off to different flowers.
No, Delyn was loyal, faithful.
A faithful butterfly.
He was my butterfly.
What a fitting pet name.
A/N: Ack, sorry this took a lot longer than normal! School just started, so I haven't really had much time to write. Plus I got a little stuck in some areas. Not too happy with this chapter, but, eh. The next one should have more action in it .
Jayn: Yes, indeed, poor Jezz . I really like Peregrine, myself, (well, I love all my characters), and, he is just a sad little lost boy who doesn't know what to do Hopefully you'll like him more, he hasn't exactly done anything worthy of liking him, but… thank you for reading!
freeze-dirtbag: Yeah, I didn't really like the previous chapter too much, either. But. We'll see Thank you for your continued support!