September 30, 2006

Time waits for your next move,

So move it.

We lean in for your next speech,

So speak it.

Only you can move your move,

Only you can speak your speech,

So what are you waiting for?

The world waits patiently.

But I can't wait anymore.

Your beautiful locks haunt me,

Your gorgeous smile taunts me,

Until I have to look away…

Because you're not mine anymore.

Nor will you ever be.

This was another one of my father's poems. I have to say that most of his poems I can really relate to. Especially this one .

You see, I've had this crush on the most popular guy in school forever, and well, he's never going to be mine. He was once upon a time, however. It was kindergarten,but that still counts, right?

He lives next to me, and I see him everyday. We were best friends in kindergarten, and would walk to school together and everything.

Now, well… now, he acts like he's never met me.

His name is Jake Owens, and even his name makes me swoon. I know its horrible liking the most popular guy in school when I'm… well… not so popular, but hey, I liked him even before he became popular.

I remember the day that I met him. In kindergarten, it was the first day of school. One of the grade fives took my lunch and stepped on it. I started crying and Jake came and shared his sandwich with me. Yeah, he's just that kind of guy.

It's not that it's his fault that he didn't remember me. In grade 1, his step-father sent him to boarding school in England. When he can back in grade 9, he looked different, talked different and still lived right next to me, but I had changed too.

I liked since the day I met him, but I liked him that much more when he came back from England. His English accent, his cute hair cut, his nice manners and the fact that, well, he was nice to everyone.

I suppose that's why he's so popular. First of all he's cute, smart and always nice. All the girls like him. I envy the ones that can talk to him. Why aren't I pretty? Why don't I have long, curly brown hair like is the style?

It's weird though, because he's never actually had a girlfriend. I mean, all the other guys have, but for him, no one questions it. They all assume that he has a girlfriend elsewhere, which is probably true. A pretty red-head in England. Yeah, that would be about right.

There's no use in thinking about him though, because nothing will happen with him and I, ever. He's the perfect one; he needs a perfect one to be with. I am too flawed.

So I will talk about something else. Today it was Saturday. I did a lot today. I went to the mall with Eric and Melissa.

I love those guys, they are my best friends. It's great to just randomly go shopping with them because we're so weird. We went into Detox and Melissa and I picked out pins while Eric tried on a sweater he liked. Then we went out for lunch and ate like pigs. I had a vegetarian curry from Thai Express while Eric and Melissa decided to get veggie burgers.

I have to say, it's great having vegetarian friends, I mean, being a vegan would be so much harder without them.

Anyway, then we went to Starbucks and had some soy lattes while we talked about random things. We talked about our favourite bands and foods, and howdifferent I was for liking curry…

Then we decided to run around the mall sticking stickers everywhere. Peta stickers are great fun to randomly stick on bathroom mirrors and mall maps…

See, this is what I'm talking about, Eric and Mel are awesome friends, they'd do anything for me. They both know about my major crush on Jake and they tease me about it 24/7. However, I don't mind that much. It's great to laugh about it.

The only thing about Mel and Eric are that they live so far away from me. It's not that far, but I can't walk to their houses, I have to drive, or take the bus. They're so lucky to live a street away from each other, I'm always the one stuck with getting there late.

Today, I got home early and walked to my local ice cream place for some soy ice cream. It was their last day open so there was no soy ice cream left. I opted for just a cone and sulking, walked back home, really, really slowly.

That's where the subject of Jake came to mind. I walked into the living room to find John yelling at my brother about homework. This isn't the first time this has happened, so I remained calm, walked to the freezer and scooped some soy ice cream into my cone.

I then walked into the backyard, sat on the bench and started licking the ice cream.

I watched as Jake walked out into his backyard and sat down on the grass. I was about to start up a conversation with him when I realized why he had came out of his house, he looked extremely sad, depressed and burdened.

Suddenly, tears fell down his cheeks. He started whimpering and put his head in his hands. I decided to sit there until he was crying for a long while. Finally, he got up and went back into the house.

I have to say that he looked extremely sad. There is something wrong in Jake's perfect world. I have to somehow comfort him. I have to somehow tell him how beautiful he looked at that moment, tears going down his cheeks, ready to let it all out.

I want to know why I never became Jake's friend again; he seems as if he needs a true friend.

September 30, 2006

An entry in the journal of Jake Owens, formerly of King Henry Academy

I cried tonight. I bawled my bloody eyes out. Why did she have to die?! She was just 39 years old.

The only one that I could confine in while I was in Great Britain, The only one that knew me, really knew me. Why did she have to bloody die?

My paper is wet with tears now. Oh,man, if I was still at King Henry; they would give me detentions for weeks… "Crying is for girls" they would've said. But I don't bloody care.

They never told me she had cancer. That's what gets me the most. My own aunt, and no one tells me she was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer as I was entering grade 9. No one told me when she was going into surgery, and no one told me when she died.

So here I am, turning back to you. Because in my mind right now, you, are the one that knows me the most at this stage. A book, a stupid bloody book knows more about me than anything on this earth.

But I suppose that's true. You were there when they all laughed at me for my American accent. You were there when they pushed me to tears in grade one and you were there when I skipped school to go to Aunty Audrey's house.

I suppose I should take comfort in you. Even if you are only paper, binding and ink, in spirit, you really are so much more. You are my Aunty Audrey, I hope you never die. And please, please will you inform me when you are diagnosed with ovarian cancer! Tell me as you go into surgery. Confine in me with the words in your will, because I want to be in heaven with Aunty Audrey right now and You are my heaven.

Thank you, thank you for always being there.