A Director and A Crab
Assistant Director (AD)
Lights on suddenly.
It is a simple bar, the people drinking at the bar are facing away from the audience. There are two people at the bar - one in a policeman's unifrom and one in a clown suit.
Sitting in a director's chair, facing sideways, is the Director.
The clown is sobbing quietly.
Director:More. More crying, it's not loud enough.
Clown starts crying more auidbly.
Director: That's better... we've got to establish that you're rather unhappy... can't very well do that unless we know you're crying, can we, you've got a great big smile painted on your face.
Clown: Yep, I understand Terry.
Director: Shh, don't talk to me. You're breaking character.
AD walks on stage.
AD: Hey, what's up?
Director: We're just doing the establishing shot.
AD: So I haven't missed the bit with the crab?
Director: No, that's much later.
A man in casual jeans and a jacket walk in through a side entrance, behind the bar - he is the bartender.
Bartender: (to clown) Hey, Martin, are you alright?
Clown: No, I am rather unhappy, as expressed by my crying.
Bartender: Oh dear, that's not very good at all, is it?
Clown: No, I don't think it is (There is a pause) Also, I don't think my name is Martin.
Bartender: Oh no? What is it?
Clown pulls the script from under him - he's been sitting on it.
Clown: Uh... I'm not sure; it just says "clown" in the script.
Bartender: So, it could be Martin then?
Clown: Yes, I guess so. Still, probably best if I am nameless.
Director: Hey! You're dropping character again. The audience is getting suspicious.
Clown: Sorry! (He starts crying again)
Bartender: (getting back into character) So, what's wrong, nameless?
Clown: It's just this play I'm in.
Bartender: Yeah? What's upset you about it?
Clown: It doesn't have a punchline.
(Five seconds passes)
A man dressed in a crab suit walks from one side of the stage to another.