Chicks before dicks.
That was my motto. Guys come and go, but your girls are forever . . . or they were supposed to be. They didn't have the same motto as me, and frankly they never had an issue with ditching me over the next cute guy to walk by.
Too many times before had some guy walked into their lives only so I would have my girl walk out of mine. Not to be seen or heard of until she was dumped and then she would come crawling back -- running mascara and sweat pants -- to be consoled by the very people she ditched. And we would take her back, every single time. We would dry her eyes, hatch revenge plans and tell her how she deserves better. We would tell her how awesome she was and how we weren't really mad at her for ditching us and that we understood, how it was all a mistake. We would hug, call him a couple interesting names and all would be forgiven.
More or less, because secretly I resented them. It hurt to have your best friends run out of your life the second a cute guy shows up and then to have them run back in as soon as he was done with her. It hurt to have them expect you to take care of them, no matter how many times they hurt you, and it hurt even more to know I let them.
As much as they hurt me by doing that, I vowed to never do the same. I swore repeatedly that I would never let a guy get in the way of my girls . . .and I didn't. I was almost ruthless about it. If a guy showed up and tried for even a moment to get in the way of my girls he was gone like yesterdays trash. My friends said they respected and admired that I wasn't some mindless zombie when it came to guys . . . and secretly I was proud of myself too.
Until I met him.
Classic, I know, but what can I say? I'm a sucker for musicians.
Ok, it's not like that at all. I didn't maintain high standards only to have them completely tossed out the door as soon as a cute guy with a guitar showed up. It wasn't until things with my friends had already begun to play out that I found out he was a musician.
But anyways, they didn't like him the second they saw him . . .which was originally alright with me. We all had different taste in guys, so it didn't exactly surprise me when they said "Eh, he's ok looking". Atleast I didn't have to compete with any of them.
Them not thinking he was cute was fine. Them not being attracted to him was really fine. But them not liking him at all was not fine.
In the past there had been guys I dated that they didn't like, but it wasn't a big deal. Those guys were just flings who were sent packing within a few weeks. Admittedly I didn't really like them anyways.
This was different though. I really, really liked him and it hurt that my friends didn't.
had hoped that they just needed time to get to know him better, and
then they would warm up to him. That never happened. It seemed like
the more they got to know him, the more they didn't like him.
"So you're dumping him soon, right?" my best friend asked me. "It's not like you're serious about him?"
But I was. God was I ever. I had never been so happy with someone before . . . ever. It seemed like he could do no wrong, and when he did it wasn't all that wrong. Every thing with him was so much better. Life was so much better. When I was around him I was so happy . . . so, so happy.
They weren't happy for me. Little remarks about how I could do better or how they didn't like him always seemed to make their way into our conversation. It was the strangest, most painful feeling. To be so ecstatic and not being able to share that with your best friends. All I wanted to do was scream how amazing I felt . . . but I couldn't, because they didn't want to hear it. If I so much as said his name they rolled their eyes and scoffed. "Oh, you're not still with him are you?"
I was still with him and I was so torn.
My best friends were dead set against ever liking him and yet I had never been more happy in my life. I really didn't know what to do. It seemed like my motto had trapped me. Constantly I was fighting the guilt of even considering leaving my girls for him and my girls were repeatedly throwing my motto in my face.
would never ditch us for him now would you?"
"That wouldn't be like you at all to do."
"Chicks before dicks, remember?"
"It would be such a hypocritical thing for you to do!"
My own friends were becoming strangers. I would've thought, seeing as they had been in my position before that they would be more sympathetic towards my situation. They had all been torn between their girls and their guy, so you would they would atleast give me some wiggle room. They wouldn't.
It was scary to watch. Slowly I was losing everything I had fought so hard to keep. I was losing my friends. It seemed so simple, dump him and I would get them back.
But it wasn't that simple. He had changed everything. He was everything I thought I would never have. A cute (ok, really hot!) boy with gorgeous blue eyes. He was sweet, kind, adorable and respectful. He bought me flowers and always held my hand. He showed me off and bragged about me to his friends. He took me on cute dates and wrote songs for me. Not only that, but he was in love with me! Yes me!
So was I just going to let all that go? Give it up for some friends who were quickly turning into strangers?
Fuck no, are you insane!
Yes I am a hypocrite, but I'm in love.
Losing my friends was completely worth keeping him.