give me reasons

tell me, please, what's the point of trying to explain all the feelings
inside of me when no one will listen? because for once, i'm ready
and willing to tell her how i feel (because i'm not ready to face you
yet) because i know the weight will be lifted off my shoulders and
maybe she'll answer the questions that you'll never answer. but
right when i want (/need) her, she isn't there and i feel hopeless
(wanting things to go my way when that is so selfish). but she
was there when i never wanted her, when i never needed her so
maybe now is the only chance i have to grab. but what's the point
in reaching when there's only air to catch? and she doesn't see
that i still want to bleed when i'm trying hard not to (because i'm
not allowed to carve memories into my skin anymore although the
want is desperate, screaming out when scratching isn't enough).

and i could pass you by a million times in the hallways of school
and you could look me in the eyes but you'll never see me looking
back because i'm still afraid to look into the eyes of the one who
left me to ask the reasons i had for living (because it took so much
to get me out of that state of thinking). there's still a part of me that
wishes for nothing more than for us to be friends again but i know
it'll never happen (but she has hope in me that we could become
what you and i never were). but the trust i have to give to friends
are too fragile to be given out lightly and seem to be fading with
everything that's (never) said. i want to be strong but i believe i'm
meant to be broken in every way possible. i can't be fixed, i can't
go back to being "normal." i can't forgive you - time has run out.

i'm tired of breaking into the one person that i don't ever want
to be again (but now that i see you, i think differently) because
it hurts too much to even walk by you without even a smile to
show how much you mean(t) to me. and these past memories
are catching up with and giving me reasons to bleed (again).