choke

i've been told to choke back all the lies and hold in the
broken promises (to pretend like they meant nothing to
me the day you spoke them to my face) but i can't hold
in the bleeding (because the imperfections & impurities
are dying to leave my filthy body – so undeserving, they
need to go some place else). and the silence i'm left to
hold onto is nothing more than memories burned into my
flesh from days and times that i would rather forget (but i
can't because you mean(t) too much to me). i'm tired of
feeling numb when the world around me is screaming,
begging for me to go make a difference (to the person
who caused me all this pain) and the world doesn't see
(i don't let it) how i'm too afraid to even look you in the
eyes after i told myself that seeing you wouldn't be the
worst of it. (it seems that i lied to myself this time instead
of the other way around). but it doesn't matter anymore
because we could never be the same again (i'm so much
better now) and these scars are willing to tell my story.

are you willing to listen to the reasons why you make
me bleed although it's been so long? did you think this
was just a game, in hopes that i wouldn't need your help
to get me through the worst part(s) of the day? (but that's
okay because you never wanted to hear me out anyways.
i'm sorry for causing you so much trouble. i'm pathetic
already so there's no reason for you to make things worse.)