You used to call me forgetful, saying that as soon as something went in one ear it was out the other -- and I used to agree.
Now you've proved me wrong on that. I'm not forgetful and baby I truly wish I was, because as much as I try I can't seem to forget that one night.
You know which night I'm talking about.
Every detail about that night has been etched into my brain like a scar that will never fade. I can still taste your last kiss on my lips, smell your cologne, feel your arms around me in a sympathy hug -- that made me sick. I remember the way the setting sun made it hard to see your eyes and how I desperately wanted to see them. They held the answer I needed to know -- was what you were saying really true? Your eyes would give you away but I couldn't see them. But most of all I can still feel the way my heart began to choke when you started talking.
"This meant nothing." you said. "We were just a bunch of hook ups."
Tell me baby, how the hell could it have meant nothing?
All I want to dois scream at you every single moment that you said meant something. Like the night I spent at your house holding you because you were so distraught from fighting with your best friend. How the next day you pulled me aside and said that you don't know what you would've done if I hadn't been there but it would've been bad or stupid and you were glad I was there. I want to remind you about all the times we found our selves sitting in your room, you telling me about all the shit you went through and how it made you feel and how I was the only one who knew. How about all the poems and songs you wrote me? How about all the times you showed up at 1 am to give me flowers? How about the times you canceled your plans just so you could come see me at work for 10 minutes? How about all the stupid nick names and crazy adventures we had -- and you meant to tell me that meant nothing? That in the end it would all equate up to how much ass you got. That in the end all you would remember was how many times I put out -- and you expect me to believe that???
Darling I may be a fool at times -- but you aren't fooling me this time. I know you far to well to know that this couldn't just have meant nothing. That you won't catalogue what we had into a memory with all the girls you've hooked up with -- no I know you better then that. But that's why I don't understand this.
When did you decide to cut me off and why. It just doesn't make sense . . . it really doesn't.
Yet again you've left me in your wake, picking up all the pieces of shattered nothings and trying desperately to put them together to make something. Tryin to make something out of nothing -- story of my life. I'm trying desperately to figure out what went wrong.
It was almost like I wasn't even talking to you that night -- I didn't know you. The person I knew was so sensitive and caring. That night you were harsh and cold. You treated me like I was a fool for not having got the memo that in the end all we had was going to be,equal and mean nothing. Even though I couldn't see your eyes I could see the pitying looks you gave -- you made me sick.
It just doesn't make any sense -- which is so like you.