Dear Future Lover,

I am looking for a man to share my feelings. He must love dogs. He must love sushi. He must always take his hamburgers with rice and complain when McDonald's refuses to serve fine wine.

He must also be an adventurer. If I have a certain fantasy about Peter Pan's involvement in the holocaust, he, meaning you, must be willing to fulfill my requests. Don't worry. My oven's broken.

But inside this sensitive soul also beats a tender heart, with a longing to give back to the community. I'm currently working to save electricity by outlawing traffic lights and braking for pedestrians. A smooth, bump less ride is important to me. Conserving fossil fuels will save your grand children, and every time you come to a screeching halt, you're taking food out of their mouths. Don't be selfish. Hit the elderly.

While I enjoy long walks on the beach, I'm also fantastic in the kitchen. I lend my expertise to vegan treats, so long as they lack red 40 (my ex-boyfriend remembers why), caffeine, more the 2 mgs of iodized sea salt, fresh lettuce, and any ingredient with a pop top. Mono-saccharides are also against the rules, although I will admit to indulging every now and then.

I promise I won't chop you up.

But I might eat you.

Hugs and kisses!
Flower Butterflycoconut Moonshine