Fearful because they can't remember,
I fear because I can't forget.
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There are blissful days of no recall
Glossed over- Whitewash on the walls
(Of an old house, a familiar shrine)
That cracks, and you burst in
"Oh, darling, did you miss-"
Lest I forget the way your arms went when you hugged
"-me?"
Fear not, dear ghost
Your smile/face/cold blue skin
Is/are branded on my eyes
Your touch will ever haunt my nightmares
(A decaying kiss or dying wish from my own decrepit angel)
In them, you are built anew
-I am the one beneath a gravestone-
A lightening bolt in shattered blue
I've tried to trade my life for yours
In a pathetic gesture of "self-less-ness"
But found
(When I looked in the mirror and saw you instead)
That it happened anyway
Without my consent or notice
Alas, my soul is not my own
But locked safely in the grasp
Of slender fingers clenched in icy defiance
The same that twine around my throat on lonely nights
When the shadows on the wall behind my shoulder
Look like your spread-eagled remains
Why can I not forget?
Why do your eyes watch me from the picture on my wall
With a malice I don't deserve (much)?
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I had hated the sight of your blood staining my sheets and wrists until-
I realised it was my own