An Anthropological Survey of Smurfkind
"A Smurf a Day Keeps the Smurf away."
Semi-long distance communication has been achieved by tying two cups to a string and using that as a primitive telephone wire.
Alchemy has replaced chemistry in smurf society and has become highly advanced. It is usually practiced by the leader of smurf society and sometimes with unexpected results by his chief apprentice, Brainy. Alchemy performed by the common smurf often turns out disastrous.
being relatively primitive in technology, smurfs
have made rapid advances in artificial Intelligence.
Handy smurf built a mechanical smurf named Clockwork Smurf. Clockwork Smurf was capable of many different kinds of tasks. He was able to create sarsaparilla for the entire village. One drawback was that he required regular maintenance however and the technology was never duplicated.
Archaeological evidence also supports the fact that the Smurfs had a limited Aerospace program that never got off the ground. The Chief scientist employed by the Smurf Aerospace Program was Astro smurf. Astro smurf wore a spacesuit and built a spaceship but he was unable to get it to take off. Leading experts have speculated that his failure was probably due to the lack of rocket fuel. Papa Smurf was working on a formula before the project became too costly and was scrapped
Handy smurf and Astro smurf were also drawing up plans for a long range missile but it was deemed to be too expensive for the small smurf budget. That project never made it past the planning phases. Imagine the terror of a Smurf Ballistic Missile. That would have shown that evil wizard Gargamel.
Smurfs were capable of processing lye to form soap
Interaction with Homo Sapiens was limited.
The first me to meet the Smurfs were Johan and Peewit. One of the many magical wards of the smurf village is that you can only enter the land of the Smurfs if a Smurf invites you. This was the smurf village's primary means of defense. Johan and Peewit managed to find the village with the help of an enchanter named Homnibus, The evil wizard Gargamel is still trying...
Generally smurfs live in a house excavated from a mushroom. Although there were a few specialty buildings such as windmills etc.
The only smurf whose origin is known is Smurfette who was created by the evil wizard Gargamel in an to seduce the smurfs into his trap. He needed smurfs so that he could magically turn the smurfs into gold.
Since Smurfette was magically created by Gargamel, Smurf reproduction has remained a mystery. Children do emerge at times. There are two main hypothesis of smurf reproduction. One is that they just magically appear randomly on rare occasions. Another is that they reproduce asexually by splitting in two to form a new smurf.
There is also documented evidence that smurfs were able to clone themselves but the downfall of this form of reproduction was that the cloned smurf said and did everything backwards as if he were a reflection in a mirror.
Lifespan of a Smurf
The total possible lifespan for a smurf is unknown but the one of the oldest recorded living Smurfs was Papa Smurf who was last recorded to me 542 years of age.
The oldest smurf in existence was Grandpa Smurf. He was so old his age is unknown.
Chief Unit of Weight and Measure
Smurfs had a standardized system of weights and measure
The chief unit of measure was the apple. For example one smurf is 3 apples tall and approximately one apple wide.
Morphology of a Smurf
The average smurf was approximately 6 inches tall. Facial hair was possible but not common. Papa Smurf was the only known smurf to have facial hair. A small blue tale protrudes from the back of a smurfs trousers.
Language of the Smurf
The smurfs spoke a peculiar dialect of English. Whenever possible they replaced an English word for the word, smurf. For example "Lets smurf outta here." or I am feeling very smurfy today. In that situation smurfy can mean just about anything.
Since everyone is 3 apples tall and Blue, Smurfs never discovered racism and were a very accepting cultures.They did however have an instinctual fear of cats.
Male smurfs wore cotton pants and caps. The cloth is usually dyed white with the exception of the Chief of the village whose clothing is dyed Red.
Smurf society is mostly male dominant as there has only ever been one female smurf. Because Gargamel created Smurfette the gender roles of Smurfkind could become confusing at times.
Possible Mating Behavior
Male smurfs often perform small favors or exchange gifts with Smurfette in exchange for attention but the mating behavior of a smurf is unknown.
Gift giving was common among Smurfs but you had to be careful what gift you open. One smurf in particular rigs small explosive devices to his gifts set to go off when the recipient opened the box. This however was not deemed to be a form of aggression. The blast was only strong enough to produce minor burns making you look charred. The damage from the gift wears off after bathing in the stream located near the village.
Crime is rare in smurf society. The only known thief was Greedy smurf who stole food from Cook Smurf on a frequent basis. The smurfs don't punish crime very heavily as it rarely happens. Murder is unheard of in smurf society and there has never been a known smurf on smurf murder. If a crime did occur the offender was usually thrown out of the village onto his head before being allowed back in the village
Smurfs (with one exception) were adept at playing music and often came together to play in an orchestra. As a general rule you should avoid Harmony Smurf as his music tends to be abstract and annoying. His talent with the horn is minimal.
Key orchestral pieces are the Smurphony in C major and the Andante Smurfioso
The greatest poet among smurf society was Poet Smurf. However his poetry was notoriously bad. It was awful by even children's standards but that doesn't prevent Poet from subjecting his works on all of Smurfkind.
Oil painting is performed by the smurfs. The most famous paintings come from Painter Smurf. They usually consist of landscapes or prtraits of Smurfette.
Smurfs were said to farm some of the tastiest vegetables in the world. Farmer smurf is the chief expert on Smurf farming practices. He is considered a bit of a hick by the other smurfs but they enjoy his crops. Smurf's are generally subsistent farmers growing only what they need to survive. Evidence shows that Farmer Smurf had knowledge of fertilizers but the actual fertilizer he used is not known.
On rare occasions there will be a frame shift mutation in the smurfs genetic code and he will exhibit strange traits. One such mutation is Flying Smurf who grew angel's wings and was capable of flight.
The smurfs are a democracy governed gently by their father figure Papa Smurf. There was a brief period of a Smurf Monarchy while Papa Smurf was away on vacation. The King came to power after a brief but violent struggle. Fortunately no smurfs were seriously injured or killed in the coup. For a short period of time King Smurf ruled the village with an iron fist. But it was short lived as the smurfs were more than happy to give control back to Papa Smurf when he returned. The King was deposed and power was handed over peacefully.
There are elements of a Marxist utopian socialism as there is no ownership in the village everything is shared and the smurfs are constantly working for the benefit of Smurfkind.
Evolution of the Smurfs
It is very possible that the smurfs evolved from the schlips. Schlips were a primitive race who lived in a crater in an active volcano. They must have adapted to inhabiting an arboreal habitat later. They were orange skinned and black haired. It is estimated that moving away from the volcano changed their skin color to blue and it is not understood as to why they lost their hair.
Mirrors have been entered into the Archaeological record
Smurfs are capable of weaving fabrics together to form rope.
Smurf's carved spoons out of wood and used them for cooking and eating
Strangely enough umbrellas have been entered into the Archaeological record.
There is evidence to support the fact that Smurfs used tools. They used axes made of unknown metal to chop down trees.
Smurfs used rudimentary fishing poles and were adept fishermen
Smurfs mainly traveled on foot but they would ride their puppy in dire emergencies and occasionally they would rope and ride Gargamel's dreaded cat Azrael.
The Smurfs traveled on a limited basis by boat.
On a very rare occasion if under some sort of emergency or need for some crazy fun a smurf will travel by hot air balloon.
The Smurfs were capable of building catapults but they weren't usually used for warfare rather for launching Smurfs out of the village when they did something to anger the other smurfs. The transgressor Smurf would land safely with a thud just outside the village.
The chief sport of the Smurfs is a game called smurf. It is played with a neon green ball. The rules of the game however are lost to history.
The Smurfs are a pastoral people.
They raised small birds so they could cook with eggs.
The smurfs are big on class specification. Every smurf is good at one particular task and that is usually their primary occupation.
The Smurfs. Writ. Peyo and Yvan Delporte. IMPS. . 14 May 2004.