claustrophobia

i've become claustrophobic, finding myself in the closet
more times than necessary, trying to bleed away memories,
wanting nothing more than for everything to disappear (or
rather to make myself fade away) because i can't let you go.
i can't forget the way i was left to suffer in (your) silence,
choking back words that i'm too afraid to say (but you're
more afraid to speak what's on your mind and to tell me
how you really feel because i'm dying to know all the things
i did to hurt you if i ever did). and now i'm left with nothing
but reminders of what we used to be and i'm left with scars
lining my wrists. and it's amazing how a simple scent can
bring back all that i did to be the way i am today (i only wish
the shimmer could make the scars beautiful to be glitter sores).
and i'm surprised at how much it hurts to see you in school and
wonder what you're thinking, hoping you're remembering me.

(i can't breathe; my finger is blocking the air to my lungs.)