I woke up one morning, and the day looked like it was going to be a great one. I got dressed and walked out into the living room, hopefully to see my new Christmas present. It was Christmas morning, after all. I always wanted a Razor scooter. Those things were wicked. They were so fast!
I went into the living room, and for some reason there was no one in the room. A note was left saying
We accidentally forgot to do the Christmas shopping. Be back in an hour. Love you!
P.S.- There is a surprise for you next to this letter!
Sincerely, Mom and Dad"
I don't get it. They forgot to do the shopping? I only asked for one thing! What was this surprise they spoke of? I saw a small piece of paper sitting on the table. It looked to be a yellow piece of construction paper.
It said, " YOU FOUND THE GOLDEN TICKET! COME TO WILLY WONKA'S CHOCOLATE FACTORY FOR A GREAT SCRUM-DIDDLY-UMPCIOUS TIME!"
No…way. There was an address on the back of the letter. This looked to be an actual place. The address was only three miles from home. Well, I might as well ride my old piece of crap bike there. Maybe it's a surprise party for my razor scooter! Oh, mom and dad, I love you guys so much!
As I arrived at the location, I soon realized that this was not a surprise party. It appeared as though the "Factory" was an old, decrepit building, the outside of which resembled a hardware store, just without a sign on it. It was a horrid looking place on the outside, and I could barely imagine what the inside would look like.
I walked into the building through what used to be automatic doors, but they had jammed and I had to push them open. What I saw would scar me forever.
The place was very dimly lit. Red and purple carpets had been shoddily placed on a hardwood floor, and the walls had been painted purple-recently. It still smelled, and a wet paint sign was sitting of in a corner, just barely in sight.
It appeared that this place used to be an all-purpose store of some kind, as there were aisles that used to be filled with items.
Soon, I saw that there were other people in here. There were about four families, each with two or so small children between ages four and ten. Then I saw the great Willy Wonka. Wait, I meant the horrible fake Wonka.
He was sitting in a fold up metal chair. His hair was obviously blonde, but since Wonka had brown hair, he was wearing a wig. He had much trouble keeping that Abraham Lincoln hat on his head without skewing the wig. He was wearing a purple blazer with brown slacks, and his cane was still incased in the wrapper.
His face looked bored and depressed, and possibly on some kind of mind-altering substance. I felt like going up to the guy and punching him in the gut. He was yelling at some of the kids various insults about how bigger in the pants he was than them. The kids had no idea what he meant, but being 14, I knew what he meant.
This was supposed to be Willy Wonka's factory. Why? How? It was all beyond me. But I could tell that this was all done over a period of 3 days or so. There were candy canes taped to the wall. TAPED TO THE WALL! Some of the aisles were filled with candy. It looked as though whoever did this had ordered a large amount of Wonka brand candy (which I think is just a branch of Nestle). There were about 50 boxes of gobstoppers, about 100 containers of nerds, and near 20 or so Wonka bars. Nerds ropes had been tied to strings and hung from the ceiling.
There were of course more candy than that, but what really caught my eye were the "Scrum-Diddly-Umpcious Bars". They looked to be hand made, and there were only about 10 of them. The wrappers were made of standard paper, and they had been colored with markers. I opened one of them, and saw the familiar letters H, E, R, S, H, E, Y, and S printed on the bar.
There were various workers walking around, most of them wearing familiar white overalls, but they had no orange skin or green hair. They weren't even small! They looked like construction workers who were being paid overtime to do this event.
I walked to the back of the store, where the lights were completely shut off. It felt really creepy back there. I half expected to see the bodies of my parents tied to a chair. But it turned out that, after I turned on my pocket flashlight, the whole thing began to come together. This was a hardware store!
Hammers and wrenches were hanging on the wall, while piles of two by fours and other wood slabs were stacked into a corner. Paint cans lined some aisles. I figured that someone had decided to put on a Christmas special event and make a fake Willy Wonka Factory. This was despicable!
I walked back to the front of the store and confronted the pathetic Wonka.
"How could you do this? These kids looked forward to a fun time at the legendary Willy Wonkas! You have broken these kids hearts!"
"Hey, kid, I'm being paid overtime for this. Deal with it. We didn't exactly have a lot of money. Plus, if you didn't notice, I have a hangover, and these kids are pissing me off with their questions about Oompa Poopahs or whatever they are!" said Willy.
"They're called Oompa Loompas," said I.
"I don't care."
"Where is your Christmas spirit?" I asked.
"It died along with my girlfriend last year. I hate my life and all of you. I need a drink." The man went off to sulk in the corner while I pulled a candy cane off the wall. I chomped down on the candy, and immediately spit it out due to adhesive residue. I walked outside and hopped on my bike.
As I got home, my parents were waiting for me with my new Razor scooter. They asked me how I liked the surprise.
I replied, "Well, it was much…different than the movie."