Tearing Me Through
I can't explain it.
It just happened.
It started off as a warm, gentle summer's day, the trees glistening in the sunlight, the sun beaming down with a casual air. It was the beginning of a delicious summer, and I was looking very forward to meeting up with my mates during the holidays. My parents holding many meetings with their nearest and dearest who they haven't bothered contacting for ages, meaning that I would have the house to myself, if my brother Charlie was still tipping over to take my "baby" sister Hilary out on many outings (Mind you, it was only for the money though. Hilary can throw one mean strop.). If this pattern was continuing, then I would be able to hold almost as many house parties as I pleased - and that brought a thrill to my heart just the mere thought of it! The laughs, the loud music .... and of course, the ladies. Oh yes, the ladies.
I had one particular lady with me at the moment, and she came under the name Selina Brooks. She had a firm, curvy body with thick, curley dark hair and a smile that could melt butter. The sort of women that men would throw themselves over cliffs to reach. Normally, I was apparently the "school stud," and apparently, this witchy, gothic type had apparently attempted to place a love spell on me and threatened to slit one of my girlfriend's wrists if I wasn't hers. Never knew if it was true, but it all seemed rather flattering, to be honest. Anyway, as one of few last days of term, I was holding a can of Ginger Beer in one hand, a beauty of a woman in the other and an optimistic attitude towards the summer.
"Mmmm .... bye bye, Snookums, I'll miss yarr ...."
"Oh, baby boy, I'll look forward to seeing your pretty wittle face during the break. Now, make sure you recognise your bus before the bloomin' driver forgets you and heads off," Selina purred softly, playfully smacking me on the shoulder.
I ran my fingers through her thick, glossy hair and she smiled secretly, and reached up to my lips. She nibbled it a little, and it tasted so sweet. "I know many woman who you've chased have tried this possibly, but I'll make it much better," she whispered, just as she stroked my cheek in an adorable manner. Facing myself, I wanted to just snog her full-motion on the spot - but then that was ridiculous. I couldn't just throw myself onto someone! I needed to play it cool. And besides, my mate Ed was approaching.
"Heya, Sexy Cheeks, how's the love goin' on?" he purred in a mocking manner to Selina. The soft, yet seductive little smile she held slowly changed to alert as she backed away - and I couldn't blame her. Ed is a bit of a plonker. He laughs at everything - from a mature in-joke from the Simpsons to a guy splitting his jeans and then rushing off to change them in P.E. He tries to develope his own sense of humour, but no matter how hard he tries, it's just so obvious that he obviously practises telling jokes in the bathroom mirror at home.
"Hey, Rich, wasn't you supposed to be seeing Cheryl Davids?" Ed gave me a suspicious look. "She's been lookin' all over for you recently, she thinks she's in love with you. She sounded real serious when she said it so."
"Cheryl Davids dumped me for the football captain two weeks ago," I replied back, almost a little too snippily. "She must be besotted." Selina gave me a little concerned look, though - and I melted. I couldn't stand the thought of juggling her with a previous girlfriend who cared more about reputation. I stroked her curls softly, and pulled her towards me. I kissed her head gently, and she gave a little innocent smile. That's what I loved about Selina - she really did seem to care about me for once. It wasn't just publicity, or to wind up anyone else. She genuinely liked me for who I am.
Ed mimed vomiting noises, however - which wrecked the moment. So I pounded the pillock. Lightly.
"Wow, Rich, you're sooo mean!" Ed barks, as he pokes me hard in the ribs. He's a very sensitive soul, despite the fact that he's the class joker, and only two years younger than me (and two years below at school). "I'll phone Childline if you don't watch it, you prat!"
"Urgh, shut up, Ed, and get over yourself," growled Jessica, his older sister, as she sauntered swiftly towards us while managing to keep her eyes on texting a message to her enigmatic boyfriend (how could she do that?). It's strange the fact that she and Ed are related - and yet they're nothing alike. Jessica is tall and womanly; Ed is short and scrawny. Jessica is mixed-race, with long dark hair and intense brown eyes and the main reason boys don't pay attention in class; Ed is pale, with scruffy blonde hair, a childish face and an attitude that could get you in three-year detention for no reason at all. Jessica is sassy and sophistocated; Ed is stupid and spontaneous. You feel sorry for the both of them actually, having to live together under the same roof.
"Rich's being a big bully," Ed snapped back. "I bet you don't go around beatin' up your friends, do you, Jessica?"
"I'll be tempted to raise my fists if you don't stop your jibbering," she groaned, as she smacked him on the back of his head with a girlie magazine. She then wiggled her fingers as she approached me and Selina. "So, Rich, S'lina, how's the lovebirds doing?"
"We're fine," Selina smiled. "Although a little birdie informed us that Chers Davids was interested again," she added sourly, glancing at Ed.
"Urgh, Chers is going through a bad stage with her dad, 'cause he won't buy her the new crop top she wanted," Jessica drawled, flicking her thick hair behind her shoulders. "Although she's probably just jealous 'cause you snagged Rich when she realised that the football coach Dave Herish wasn't hot arm candy .... "
They both started to natter on about girlie subjects, and stuff that I wasn't obliged to join in with. I never understood women sometimes - this country could be under danger by meglomaniac terrorists who want complete domination of Britain, and yet they would still blab on about the latest couple who have broken up. It scared the crap out of me. As Ed started then boasting to a first year about how he "totally scored" with Michelle Wilford - meaning speaking two words to her - someone caught my eye ...
It was the head of the Goth group - Gavin Black. He went on my bus to and from school. He was wearing dark red eyeshadow with his black eyeliner, and looking down at his feet, his dark blue lips slightly parted, reading a Tim Burton book. He always looked sort of strange. He had a long facial frame, needn't much foundation due to his ghostly complexion, and appeared to have a moody expression tattoed on his face. His hair was naturally mousy brown, but he spiked it up and sprayed it dark brown. He was infamous amongst his peers for his mysterious attire, overemotional bursts in class and his crummy home life.
Normally, that appears so formulaic for any rebellious outcast, but, hell .... Gavin wasn't anyone. His father had been evicted from the army for "unusual behaviour," worn corsets to distract him from emotional pain and committed suicide when he reached the climax of a troubled relationship with Gavin's mother by stabbing himself 13 times. Before I realised this (from plenty of sources at school, otherwise known as gossips), there was many bizarre stories surrounding the Black family. Gavin himself was clearly following his footsteps in the "strange" department; he had once worn leather, blood-stained trousers to school, after rejection from resident evil Nara Ire slashed on his thigh in French, "What I linger for tends me softly before violation" (or something similar), and apparently, due to "intimate" cuddling and playing with his little sister, had been rumoured to be having an incestuous relationship with her.
I've never been sure whether they've been true .... but for such rumours to creep up around someone who is keeps himself private as much as he does is rather amazing. Despite my indifference to some of his opinions he's stated, I've always found him sort of fascinating ... in a weird way. I don't think it's a horrified fascination, as I've grown used to his gothic attire ... and to be honest, he's never looked freakish enough to be considered "horrifying."
And then it just happened.
He looked up from his book, and noticed me staring - and his eyes sort of just widened, as his navy lips fully parted, as if mouthing something to me secretly .... I couldn't read a word of what he was saying, so I shook my head in confusion, and nodded slightly - as if to beckon him over .... I'd of rather heard what he'd wanted to say to me, than had to suffer the humiliation of my lack of lip reading skills ....
And he just laughed. Just laughed. It was a deep, hoarse kind of laugh, the kind of rough grunts you'd receive if you're reading out a heavy, well-written novel very badly, with a lot of "aaaah"s and "ummm"s. Then, something just grabbed me right on the spot - a thud. A thud, right in the heart, a tingling, bouncy thud.
You want to know why?
He smiled at me.
He really did. A great wide smile, his navy painted lips fully parted, his sharp teeth gleaming in the sunlight. He had finnished smirking at my talentless attempts to read his lips, but then seen my puzzled expression. He understood that I was confused. He wasn't laughing at me, or anything .... I don't think so, but somehow .... he appeared to find my stupidity attractive.
And what was weirder, was that pang in my heart I'd got. It made me feel .... out of my own skin. As if I were seperated from everyone else .... as if I was important for once. It was strange, how just a few minutes ago, what mattered to me most was enjoying every single second of my summer. And now .... the whole feeling of excitement of the last day of term had been overwhelmed by the fact that I just wanted the head goth to smile again ....
I couldn't. No, I just couldn't. I've never really spoke to the guy properly, it's not like I've known him for ages. It would be intruding to even suggest anything .... and no, I'm not. I've been a ladies' man ever since Seventh Year, so why change now? Maybe ..... I don't know why I even care .... I don't know why it distracted me so much. I mean .... no .... it can't be ....
"Rich? You all right?"
Selina was beside her, her eyes tingling a longering that I would have melted into. But for some reason, I had frozen, despite being in one of the beautiful girl's arms. I wanted to hold her so tight and feel it - but I couldn't feel it the day. I didn't understand .... What was wrong with me? I just wanted to receive the warm feeling of acceptance in her arms - and somehow I couldn't feel it. I held onto her, and held her hard against me, but it felt like cardboard ... it felt so plain and .... I felt nothing. I just felt nothing ...
It was that day he completely penetrated my thinking. Just a smile could have completely discerned me.
There was nothing for Selina.
Damn him ....
For tearing me through.