Nursery Rhymes for Perverts

If you can't say something nice
Say it once, then say it twice
'Mother, may I never tell,
Mary's lamb just went to Hell'

Georgie Pordgie sucks his thumb
And the girls all think he's dumb
But the boys like him just fine
On his knees; it's suppertime

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick
Easy lay with a candlestick
Peter Piper picked his peck
Licked him clean and left the check

Simon says, 'now, have you heard?
Mary's quite the ballsy bird,
Rumor has it she got AIDS
Lining up her pretty maids.'

'Mother, may I now please tell?
Peter's pumpkin starts to swell
His well-kept wife is on the loose;
Says she's tired of Pumpkin's juice.'

Old Mother Hubbard
Came out of her cupboard
And married the hag in the shoe

One thing's for certain
The shoe needs some curtains
'Cause Shoey knows just what to do.