And you sat and waited
for the eureka moment, but it never came.
And God, you felt betrayed and nottomention stupid because she was your first real friend and
you'd expected him to at least call.
She'd placed that rope around her neck like a fashion statement, but hadn't stopped there
and you hated her for jumping
but hated yourself more for not being able to read the signs-
because you were too busy having the time of your life with some guy
that didn't have the courtesy to take you home,
and it felt like everything was
over, but there was no sense of .closure.

And you preferred looking at your shadow because the mirror was so painfully truthful
and it wouldn't let you pretend that 'this girl is beautiful; this girl is strong'
because her eyes looked like oblivion and her cheeks resembled craters,
her whole essence seemed hollowed out.
So instead you took walks in October, enjoying the fragile sunlight
that danced on your hands and made them seem alive. Even though
they remained cold, it felt good to be touched by something familiar.

You felt the life come back into you when you remembered how to smile.