These are summer quotes. Sorry they're so short. I didn't write down as many ridiculous things because I was the one that said most of them. How embarrassing. In any case, enjoy this, the last chapter of Writings from the Black Lagoon. If anyone didn't get it, the title's from the children's series about rumors, teachers, bus drivers, and lunch ladies.
Stay tuned for the sequel: Writings from the Black Lagoon 2: From the Depths of Daybooks, a collection of writings from Creative Writing II.
Can I borrow your pen?
No. You don't want to eat at Taco Bell.
Fine; I want to eat at Taco Bell.
You can borrow anything you want! My sister and dad. Hilarious at the time. Written on the back of a coupon for a pint of Lee's Ice Cream. The guy who owns Lee's is one of my dad's customers, so we get free ice cream. I think it makes it funnier, really.
Birds equal approachability. Unless the bird's on your shoulder. Then you're a freak. Clinton from What Not to Wear, the vicious TV show that makes over someone's closet in the meanest way possible. They were talking about prints. Complete with a picture diagram from me of a stick figure with a bird on its shoulder. My mom complained that it didn't have shoulders, so drew one with shoulders, which ended up being a robot. He says, "I am a robot!"
When he's taking grapes out of the oven, then she's not making dinner. My dad. He meant to say, "grapes out of the fridge," but you can see how that turned out. Also complete with a picture diagram by me: A small oven with dots in it. The dots are the grapes. Don't worry; it's labeled.
(cough) There's something in my throat. (cough)
It is your esophagus, my daughter. Me and my mother. We were watching a bad movie where everyone was referred to as 'my son' or 'my father' and the like. Classic.
A carrot a day may keep cancer away. I swear to god, this was on a fortune cookie fortune. My brother got it and I had to take it from him and read it myself because it was so unbelievable. Lucky numbers are 0, 4, and 7. Lotto numbers are 12, 73, 90, 82, 56, and 1.
Finishing in eleventh place isn't nearly as prestigious as finishing in tenth. Announcer for the Tour de France. No lie. He actually said it.