Sitting down to surf the net one night
I checked my e-mail for a letter from Chad
But instead I got a message that wasn't right
Looking at it just made me mad.
A crappy "forward this" message, which I hate
You know, the kind that curses you at the end
For if you don't send it before day eight
God will ignore you or you'll lose a friend.
What is wrong with you, go away!
I don't want to sign your petition!
How did you get my address anyway?
I hope your plan doesn't come to fruition.
I don't want to find out that I'll die alone
For not forwarding something a "friend" thought was cool.
Or it telling me "You lose all you own!"
Because you won't pass on my poem "The Birthday Jewel"
Then sometimes I get stupid photographs
That make no sense at all.
They're supposed to bring you laughs
I just slam myself against the wall.
Like a picture of a farting cat.
That says, "I love you."
Or a cartoon about the chat
Between Jesus and the Jews.
I don't want all this clogging up my space
Stop sending this lame stuff to me!
You aren't my friend; I've never seen your face
Don't waste my time, seriously.