Sitting down to surf the net one night

I checked my e-mail for a letter from Chad

But instead I got a message that wasn't right

Looking at it just made me mad.

A crappy "forward this" message, which I hate

You know, the kind that curses you at the end

For if you don't send it before day eight

God will ignore you or you'll lose a friend.

What is wrong with you, go away!

I don't want to sign your petition!

How did you get my address anyway?

I hope your plan doesn't come to fruition.

I don't want to find out that I'll die alone

For not forwarding something a "friend" thought was cool.

Or it telling me "You lose all you own!"

Because you won't pass on my poem "The Birthday Jewel"

Then sometimes I get stupid photographs

That make no sense at all.

They're supposed to bring you laughs

I just slam myself against the wall.

Like a picture of a farting cat.

That says, "I love you."

Or a cartoon about the chat

Between Jesus and the Jews.

I don't want all this clogging up my space

Stop sending this lame stuff to me!

You aren't my friend; I've never seen your face

Don't waste my time, seriously.