I PRETENDED

Everyone thought we were the best of friends,

everyone thought we were made for each other.

Everyone thought our laughter was real,

everyone thought we were happy together.

Even you thought so, because I pretended.

I pretended like I appreciated your humour,

pretended as if your way of thinking was the same as mine.

I pretended as if I didn't mind you acting as if I was inferior to you,

I pretended as if we were the same.

I pretended as if the countless differences between us were not there,

I pretended I was like you.

All because you needed me.

You had no one else to stand by you, but the handicapped boy who you thought you knew,

all because I pretended.

Your way of thinking started to affect me,

I started to think I had the same humour as you.

I felt like I was about to become like you,

all because I pretended.

But one thing would never change: your feeling of being superior to everybody else, could never poison me.

I could never quiet become like you,

even though I pretended.

I watched as you were holding six year-olds above an open toilet by the ankle,

I heard their screams, and thought how stupid I was who didn't try to stop you.

But my handicap prevented that,

I couldn't help the ones you bullied.

My handicap prevented me from helping people that way,

I could only help people by being there for them.

So I couldn't prevent you from making other, younger people's life miserable,

because I was handicapped.

I didn't want to become like you, or watch you bully others.

I didn't want to see your taunting face as you tortured others emotionally.

I wanted to stop you, scream right in your face that I should never have tried to help you.

But I didn't do it, because you would never understand.

And the reason why,

was because I had pretended.

I didn't want to pretend anymore,

I wanted to be myself.

Now, it was time for me to be there for every six year-old at school you'd reduced to tears.

It was time for me to be there for somenone else,

without pretending.