I'm hungry but I feel a little sick
So I'm trying to decide whether I should eat
A piece of two day old pizza or not

I wonder if I'll ever get over that feeling
That I had when I lost Matt
Even though I have him back now
It's not the same
I still feel that emptiness inside
Or something just as cheesy

At least I'm not laying on the floor crying
Until I can't breathe
Or losing 10 pounds and barely noticing
I plan on never doing that again

At least I haven't listened to what knives whisper to me
Whenever I hold them
I'm never going to do that again either

That last thing was probably a lie

But hopefully not

Well, I decided to eat the pizza
It was defective
It had no sauce
I mean, what the fuck?

I think I'm still hungry
Because I keep thinking of my life
In food related metaphors

But my heart really does resemble
A little bit of butter spread
On way too many pieces of bread

And not one of those fucking slices
Love me as much as I love them

I am being dramatic again
Of course
I thought I wasn't going to do that anymore
That's another one of my addictions
I guess

I have too many addictions
I guess I inherited an addictive personality
From my mother

I'm listening to music right now
That's another one of my addictions
I really love music
I wish I could write lyrics for a living
Or sing
But I don't really have a nice voice

All of my poems start out
Kind of like this
Diaries entries
Organanized in neat lines
As opposed to the chaotic confusion
That's in my mind all the time

That's really the reason I write
It's one of the only ways I can
Feel control in my life

I suppose that didn't make sense

My stomach feels kind of sick now
I shouldn't have eaten that defective pizza

It's kind of funny
That most people I know
Are under the impression I am normal
And not crazy

Do I sound sane to you?

I think I'll go to bed now
And lay there for hours
Before I finally fall asleep
Like always

I love Matt so much
I almost want that life
I know I could have with him
But my life decisions are based on feelings
That I receive from God
Or my heart
Or my subconscious self
Or something

And I have a feeling
That I will feel the need
To move far away from here

Well, goodnight

By the way
I really like Hinder