Petals of a Black Rose

As I sit staring at the tears from heaven I wonder why I cannot let this petal go. I think back to when I first realized I loved you. You came to me because your boyfriend had cheated on you and you did not know who to talk to for reassurance and comfort. I'm glad that you picked me. Until then I had never seen you open the floodgates and let the tears pour down your cheeks. Your nose was red and your eyes puffy but I never thought you looked more beautiful.

I can remember how you were so insecure of your looks and how awkward your body was. That has not changed. I would constantly reassure you that you were indeed beautiful and no, you were not fat. I loved to do that.

Our friendship was going good so I decided that I might as well tell you that I loved you. However I was more cautious, I didn't blurt it out at once. Instead, I would send you little things, mementos that only you and I would know the meaning to. Yet, to my utter confusion, you acted as if you had no clue who was giving you the mementos. I waited patiently, praying for the day you would realize who your admirer was. It never came. It took a lot of courage but I finally told you one day before school.

"I sent all those things." I blurted out. I couldn't tell whether the look of utter shock was good or bad. You said you couldn't believe it. Then you started laughing, bitterly. That was when my plan went downhill.

"I was going to find you to tell you that I had a date with Jason Miller. I finally got over Chase. Ironic, huh?" I just nodded and walked away. You didn't stop me but I understood. Why would you stop me? For what reason? To initiate an awkward silence? I thank you for allowing me to keep my dignity (what I had left).

The rest of the day went by in a haze. I wasn't completely there. I avoided you, cowardly of me but oh well. A week went by like this before I finally went up to you and asked how you and Jason were going. I told myself that if you were happy, I would find a way to move on. If I somehow found I had a chance, I wouldn't give up.

"We're great Ethan! I haven't felt this happy since, never!"

The words rang like a death toll. My heart that was only just cracking shattered into a thousand pieces. I smiled weakly and congratulated you. As long as you were happy, that's all that matters. Your happiness.

I am moving on. I have found a way. I was walking past a flower shop and saw a rose died black. At first I thought nothing of it but later when I was telling my grandfather of my misery, he told me of a way that I could forget my love for you and heal my broken heart.

'Ethan, son, find a flower to symbolize your love for her. For each petal that you give her, a little bit of your love goes with it and out of your heart. Eventually you will come down to the last petal, and with it your love for her.'

'How do you know this will work?'

'I know because I had to do this very thing with my first love.'

I was walking back home when I saw the black rose again. It called to me and I knew I had found the flower that would symbolize my love for you. Your house was on the way to mine so I stopped at your house to hand you the first petal. When you opened the door, my heart clenched but I gave you the first petal and without saying anything, I waked away.

That night I plucked every petal off of the rose and placed them in a thick book I found lying about my house. This way, I would have the petals for as long as it would take me to forget my love for you.

The next morning I grabbed three petals and gave them to you. One before school started and along with it an explanation of what I was doing. It was hard for me to walk away when you started to cry silently. I gave you the second one at lunch and the third I placed in your locker atop your textbooks. I couldn't really say there was great improvement but I did feel better, if only marginally.

Three weeks went by and I was down to the last three petals. The first of the last I gave to you at your birthday, along with your present. A sad little smile passed between us, one more little memento that only we knew about.

The second to last petal I gave to you was after our senior prom. You looked amazing that night in your ice blue dress. I was surprised when I didn't get a clench in my heart when I walked up to you to give you the petal. I just slipped it into your palm as I gave you a kiss on the cheek. I even managed a real smile.

Graduation came and I still had not given you the last petal. The time never seemed right. You thought the petal at prom was the final one and for some reason, I cannot let this petal go….