Chapter 1: Story of My Life
Once upon a time back in the day of 2004, there was a chick named Amber Regan and a prince named Jamison Allen. Amber was rather homely and unimpressive whereas the prince was breathtakingly handsome and all around amazing. He had classic blond hair and emerald eyes whereas she had wild, curly black hair and hazel. No one ever thought the prince could be interested in someone like her. Especially and certainly not Amber herself.
But he was.
The couple dated for their sophomore year but sadly, on the last day of tenth grade, it was revealed that their relationship had been a farce. Jamison's friends bet him to date her for a year for first dibs on Edie Withers—one of the school's more attractive girls who would be returning from boarding school for their junior year at Berkley High. Amber was crushed by the revelation and solemnly vowed in her diary she would never date again.
Virginia Regan, Amber's mother, who was an internationally known actress and model, told Amber not to fret over it because sometimes you had to kiss a few frogs before you found your prince. All princes and gentlemen started out as dastardly creatures before transforming into their true proper selves. Amber didn't believe her mother at all and—Screw this.
I'm tired of talking about myself in a different grammatical person. It's too much to keep up with and makes my brain hurt from all the concentration required. Anyway, as I was saying, it's easy for my mom to say that because she's a movie star and one of the world's most beautiful people. Teenage boys literally get off at the sight of her—I've seen this happen in public—and so do grown men. It's disgusting really and I'm really embarrassed them. And none of them stand zero chance with her anyway since she's been married to my father for the past twenty-seven years and counting.
My father, Emery Regan, is short and bald while my mother is voluptuous and blonde. They both have great faces though. How he ended up with her I'm still not sure but hey, that's life. And how I got my black hair I have no clue. Sometimes I think I'm adopted or something but then I look at my parents and see that I'm a combination of them. In the months around eighteenth birthday, my body—finally—filled out like my mother's and the facial bone structure inherited from my father became more prominent, accentuating my smile and lips more.
Compared to how I looked at fifteen, I look like a new person. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I sort of like who I was. I mean, I wasn't a dog or anything but I wasn't beautiful and I was okay with that. I never really wanted to be beautiful like my mother. People get weird around beautiful people.
Anyhow, like I said, I vowed after sophomore year never to date again. Clearly, I wasn't in my right mind when I decided this and later declared it to my family and friends. Now, however, I'm fully comfortable and have come to terms with the idea of being single forever. I thought about it extensively over that enlightening summer and through junior year and now as a senior, I am completely ready to die a virgin.
I nod my head to my thoughts and look at my clock. School is in an hour but I don't want to get out of my nice, warm bed. He's so comfy and big and all mine. I love my bed so much. And I call him a he because it'd be weird for me if he were a she. I kind of feel like that Postal Service song where Ben's like don't wake me up because I'm planning on sleeping in today. Although, I don't think it applies since I'm already awake. Whatever, I'm getting too deep too early.
As I force myself to sit up, I hear a cry. It would sound alien and harsh to anyone else but me and my family. I rush out of my room, tripping over something hard on the way, and practically knock down the door of my little brother's room to get to him.
Noel is two, mentally challenged and deaf. His life is…it's not the best but I think we make it alright for him and he's a happy kid. He's usually always smiling. He's awesome.
I see the problem as soon as I'm in his room. Our fourteen year old sister's corn snake, Wallace, is slithering about near his toddler bed. I grab Wallace and shove him at Juliana before going into the bathroom to thoroughly wash my hands. After that, I go to Noel and sign into his hands quickly. It takes a few minutes before I can calm him down and in the end I just hold him and rock him.
I kiss his rosy cheeks when he pulls back to look at me as our mother runs into the room. "What happened?" she demands and takes Noel from me.
"Wallace," I answer. Father sighs from the doorway before moving into the room to comfort Noel as well.
"Juliana Gwyneth Regan!" he calls and I try not to laugh when she appears.
"Yes sir?" she asks innocently. Both our parents give her a stern look.
"What did we tell you about Wallace?" Father demands.
"I don't know how he got out!" Juliana cries earnestly. "Please don't take Wallace away! I love him. He's my pet."
I roll my eyes. My sister is so weird.
"What do you mean you don't know how he got out?" Mother asks and Juliana shrugs
I raise my hand.
"I've been reading about corn snakes and they are very intelligent, very skilled escape artists. They need a special container, not a normal cage," I say and our parents sigh.
"Where do we get one?" Father asks.
"The pet store," I suggest with a shrug.
"Okay. I'll look it up," Father says. "But in the meantime, Juliana, watch Wallace."
Juliana nods enthusiastically. "You won't even know he's there," she assures our parents, but when I point behind her at Wallace she screams and runs before he slithers off the second floor. "Wallace, no!"
I laugh openly and turn it into a cough when our parents glare at me. I reach for Noel, who holds his arms out for me, and I hug him tightly before taking him into the bathroom. I draw a bath for him and help him undress before grabbing his boats. Noel loves baths and I love giving him baths. I love spending time with him. He's just one of those people who make you feel good. Maybe it's the smile.
Twenty minutes later, I dress him and take him down to breakfast before getting ready for school. I find him playing with his Cheerios when I walk down for my own breakfast. He's so cute. He's going to be a heartbreaker someday despite his disabilities. He just has this way about him.
I eat a banana nut muffin and ruffle his curly brown hair before drinking his milk. Running upstairs, I find my bag and keys before pulling Juliana away from a mirror while assuring her that her golden locks are fine. I pull her downstairs and yell goodbye to our parents as I shove her out the door, lock it behind me, and unlock my brand new Benz.
What can I say? I'm spoiled. All the Regan children are.
Both of our parents are famous and envied by many. They've got this whole power couple thing going for them. While our mother is an international icon, our father is the founder and CEO of a record company called Oh for Tuna and is a cult figure because some B movie he was in twenty-five years ago.
It's a really weird movie, too. I mean, I'm a little embarrassed he was in it. It's good and all, but it's just…it's one of those what-the-hell-did-I-just-watch-and-why-do-I-think-it's-so-freaking-awesome movies.
Speeding out the driveway, I head towards school as I blast this demo some local band gave me to give to my father. They sound like shit but I like the lyrics. Fifteen minutes later, as I'm mouthing the words to 'Dry Humping Pink Elephants', I on the brakes when some moron darts across the street in front of me to reach school property. Juliana screams and I smack her. When the idiot is safe on the sidewalk, I lay on the horn and he gives me the finger.
"How rude!" Juliana says, reminding me of that annoying middle child from Full House.
I speed into the parking lot and fly over the speed bumps on my way into the parking garage. I love that our school has a parking garage. I never have to worry about the rain. I can take the tunnel from the second or third floor to the parking garage.
"Slow down, Amber!" Juliana orders.
"Shut up," I tell her and pull into my favorite space. I put the car in park. "Get out."
On normal days I'm nicer to her, I swear. Today, however, is not a normal day. It's the first day of school after winter break. But here's the thing: winter in southwest Florida isn't really, or shouldn't for that matter, constitute as a real winter. Thank God that we still get a break just like everyone else though.
"You are such a bit—"
I lay on the horn, interrupting her, and she fumes as she throws herself out of my car. I know that I've majorly pissed her off so to make amends I shout, "Have a good day."
She just keeps walking.
With a shrug to the world, I get out and am almost immediately joined by my best friends. They're like mosquitoes really, and I mean that as endearingly as I can. I can't even get out of my car and lock it before they're beside me. And the great thing about my friends is that they're not people who just want to use me. These bitches—Jordan, Annie, Emerson, Daniel, and Jane—are through and through and always true.
"Seniors," we yell as we enter the main building and our fellow brethren shout 'hell yeah' and catcall. "Freshmen suck, seniors rule!"
I don't know why we feel we have to announce our superiority, but we do and we do it often. I think we just like shouting to the world that we're seniors. It's fun. You should give it a go.
We take our time going to the fourth floor, which is free of annoying underclassmen. On the way to my locker I slap hands with some kids that pass by. I don't even really know them either. I'm pretty popular for some odd reason. I'm not the prettiest girl in the senior class but people like me. I blame it on my parents. It has to be their fault because I'm more Sarcastic Suzy than Friendly Frederica and a lot of people hate my sarcasm.
"So what happened today? We saw you speeding," Jane says and I roll my eyes in disgust. "What happened?"
"This asshole just walks out in front of me and you know how I drive, I don't go below forty-five—good gas mileage and shit, you know—so I had to slam on the brakes so I didn't kill him. Then after I honked at him to let him know what almost happened and how stupid he is, he flipped me off. He jaywalks and then flips me off. Freaking idiots shouldn't be allowed outside their padded cells."
"Jerk," Daniel says and Emerson agrees.
"So…" Annie starts before looking at Jane who nudges Jordan. I know what's coming but wait for it anyway.
"Is he hot?" Jordan asks bluntly and I smile.
Jordan is the most fabulous guy I have ever met and I love him for it. If he were straight, I would hate him because he's so cute, mean and catty, but there's just something about him as a gay man that I love. He wiggles his eyebrows and smiles.
"I didn't get a good glance at him," I tell him.
"That's a yes!" Jordan, Annie and Jane squeal. "Tell us more!"
"I didn't get a good look," I repeat and they pout. "Stop it. I mean it."
"Please!" they whine and I sigh. It's really a high pitched collective whine, and noises above certain octaves just bother me.
"He has bluish black hair, but I didn't catch his eyes. He had muscles though and he was wearing tight jeans and a shirt that looked a few sizes too small. He was wearing Vans too so he might be a skater or something. Seriously though, that's all I know," I say and they sigh in disappointment. "That was a lot of detail bitches. Be happy I gave you that much."
They roll their eyes at me so I turn to Daniel and Emerson and put my arms around them. "How are my two favorite best friends?" I ask.
Daniel gives my bum a squeeze, which is totally harmless coming from him. "I'm doing pretty well."
"I'd be better if it wasn't so early," Emerson sighs against my head.
He rarely gets up before four in the afternoon on Saturday and Sunday. I don't know how he gets away with it either. Mr. and Mrs. Pepper aren't exactly slouches when it comes to disciplinary action. Trust me. Drill sergeants could learn from those two. Maybe I should take lessons from him.
My thoughts are interrupted when a teacher yells, "Time to get to class!"
We all turn to look at her and immediately dismiss her. She's not someone to fear around here and she's new so we'll forgive her for trying to rush us to class.
At Berkley, we don't exactly do things on the school district's schedule. We're all rich kids with trust funds and such, and we don't do what our teachers say unless we're being threatened with detention. We're good kids and all, it's just…we like to have fun. Besides, we were all pretty much born rich and have been spoiled our entire lives. We don't work well on other people's schedules. We just don't.
We take our time going to our homeroom classes while the teacher continues to yell at us. We still don't pay her any mind though. Everyone in the hallway is literally ignoring her right now. When my friends and I finally split off to go our separate ways I'm left with the screeching noob. I totally forgot she was homeroom teacher over winter break.
I read the board for some reason as I walk into her classroom and see that her name is Miss Mendelssohn. You'd think I'd know my homeroom teacher's name since I've had the same teacher since the beginning of the school year but I didn't. I don't know how I missed it though because her name takes up half the board the way it's written.
I take my seat in the back and put my head down. I'm not the best student in any of my classes. I never have been and I don't try to be. I fully understand my strengths and weaknesses. Other students follow my example and lower their heads. Minutes later, I'm asleep.
The next thing I know, someone is kicking my desk. I sit up, startled, and look up after staring at this dumbass graphic tee for a moment. The kid with bluish black hair is staring down at me with violet eyes. The room is silent so I know that everyone is staring at us. The kid and I seem to recognize each other at the same time.
"You!" we say angrily. "What kind of moron…Stop that!"
We glare at each other and I stand up, not liking the idea of him looking down at me. His eyes change and he stops glaring at me only to stare at me with a strange smile on his face. I find myself becoming lost in his weird eyes and slowly leaning in to kiss him. When I realize what's happening, I stop myself and straighten my spine before taking a step back. He smirks at me.
What the hell just happened? What kind of weird, voodoo magic was that? I don't kiss boys.
"Roydon Hawley, meet Amber Regan. She'll be showing you around school," Ms. Mendelssohn says, interrupting my thoughts, and I immediately raise my hand. "Yes, Miss Regan?"
"Why is he even in here? F through J is down the hall."
"There wasn't enough space in there, Miss Regan, so he'll be in here," Ms. Mendelssohn tells me.
I frown. Annie is in that classroom and I know for a fact that there are ten open desks because I sneak in there all the time. Ms. Mendelssohn turns back to her desk but I clear my throat. She looks kind of annoyed when she looks at me again.
"Something else, Miss Regan?"
I don't like your tone is what I want to say but instead I ask, "Why do I have to show him around? What's wrong with someone more sociable and hospitable like Marcy?" Marcy glares at me and I flip her off.
"Because I think you two will have more in common than he and Marcy. He's new, Miss Regan. You should do your best to make him feel welcome."
"I don't even make you feel welcome. Why are you trying to torture this new student, Ms. Mendelssohn? You're being cruel."
"Keep it up, Miss Regan, and you'll have a date with Mr. Sykes after school."
"Alright, but only if he's buying this time. I paid for dinner last time and he didn't he cop a feel."
My classmates snicker and I try not to laugh myself. I don't know why I say the things I say sometimes. They just come out. I guess you could say I frequently have the verbal runs.
Ms. Mendelssohn doesn't look pleased at that but doesn't rise to the bait. I'm disappointed too. What's the point of giving people your best shit if they don't come back with anything? It's a waste of wit. I mean, sure, I could recycle that, but what are the odds of someone else walking into that?
"Mr. Hawley is your responsibility today, Miss Regan. And that's final," she says very sternly and I frown.
I look at up this Roydon kid and my frown deepens when he smiles at me. His canines are abnormally long. He looks like a vampire or something. I shiver and sit down as he walks past me to sit directly behind me.
It figures that on the first day back we would get a new student and I would have to be the one in charge of him. It wouldn't be so bad either if he was a regular noob but he's not. He's this creepy, weird idiotic noob.
I put my head down again. I really hate my life sometimes.